12.22.2010

Anchor

For quite a few years, I have had a pivotal Christmastime moment when a song strikes me and becomes my "theme" for that season.

What's weird about these special songs is that I don't seek them out. Somewhere I'll hear lyrics that will strike a chord or I'll be listening to a song that I've heard a zillion times and suddenly I'll get its meaning more profoundly.

I'll share just a couple examples. Two years ago it was I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day. The reality of Chloe's diagnosis was setting in. Many members of my family were not speaking. I frequently had a heavy heart. But these lyrics brought me SO MUCH hope and faith that one day all would be made right.


And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail,
the right prevail
With peace on earth, goodwill to men."


Last year it was Oh Come Oh Come Emmanuel, because I had several loved ones dealing with significant health issues and even death, and these lyrics:


From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.



.... these lyrics would knock me to my knees almost every time I heard them. It was incredible and truly brought the Christmas spirit last year, realizing that the sorrow I saw all around me would one day be reconciled because of the baby's birth we were celebrating.

This year was no different, I have a song that has been so special to me. But, the weird thing is, it's not *officially* a Christmas song. It's been on my itunes for most of the year, and I heard it on shuffle a couple weeks ago, right after we got home from vacation. I was rushing, rushing, rushing around trying to get things done, getting everything in order, going above and beyond in some areas and totally missing other areas of my life, and actually resenting Chloe for being sick.... doesn't she know I have other things I have to do other than take care of her?

And then this song and its lyrics. And I knew. Chloe was sent to Oby and I for so many reasons, it's impossible to put down in words. But one reason I know for sure that I need her in my life is to bring me down to earth.... to keep me from aimlessly darting around working on projects and cleaning and folding laundry and being with friends and planning things for the playground and working overtime and working on projects (did I say that already? oh, well I always have 100 projects I'm working on so it's worthy of being mentioned twice).... I'm always doing things that might seem "good," but are actually completely unimportant.

But Chloe, sweet Chloe, she is my anchor. She is the epitome of unconditional love and a constant reminder to slow down, enjoy the simple things, and to focus on the only truly great thing ~ love. Chloe has been pretty darn sick for the better part of this month. She had croup on our vacation. It turned into Influenza B, and now she's got a terrible virus. And now when I'm rushing and feeling that caring for my sweet, beautiful baby is an inconvenience, or that her getting sick NOW during the holiday season when there's so much to do and so many places to be is terrible timing.... SHE anchors me. She brings me back to focus on the reality that LOVE and simply being with the ones you love is what matters. And because she's been sick, I've actually felt the Christmas spirit more than ever. To recognize that the greatest gift is having my family close and healthy, even with a minor virus to tackle.... well, that's more important than any of those presents wrapped under my tree. And because of my anchor, I've been enjoying the Christmas spirit more than ever by reading books about snow men and wise men to my angelic child in front of the Christmas tree lights, feeding her wassail and candy canes and singing songs about reindeer and seeing that magic in her eyes.

The past couple of months I've been dealing with some pretty significant anxiety. Until recently, I only had a short bout of anxiety during my pregnancy that I was able to manage and deal with pretty quickly. But this time, I've needed a little more help than usual. Okay, let's get real -- I've been outright crazy. But Oby has been so supportive. He's also my anchor, you know. He loves and accepts me and helps me however he can. He's pretty darn amazing, and if truth be told, I don't deserve him. He and Chloe love me so unconditionally, I can only hope to give that type of love back to them and live to deserve their adoration.



When all the world is spinning round
like a red balloon way up in the clouds

And my feet will not stay on the ground,
you anchor me back down.

I am nearly world renowned
as a restless soul who always skips town
But I look for you to come around
and anchor me back down.

There are those who think I am strange,
they would box me up and tell me to change
But you hold me close and softly say
that you wouldn't have me any other way.

When people pin me as a clown
you behave as though I'm wearing a crown
When I'm lost I feel so very found
when you anchor me back down.

There are those who think I am strange,
they would box me up and tell me to change
But you hold me close and softly say
that you wouldn't have me any other way.

When all the world is spinning round
like a red balloon way up in the clouds
And my feet will not stay on the ground
You anchor me back down.


So to Chloe and Oby, thank you for keeping me from spinning out of control, for anchoring me and helping me slow down and simply remember the true meaning of Christmas.... That a baby was born to show us the path of ~love~ and that because of his birth, life, death & resurrection, we will all one day be delivered from the sorrows, sicknesses, pain and frustration that come our way.

4 comments:

Angela said...

Tara,

I am sorry you are having a rough time with your anxiety. If you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to email me please.

Love and hugs to you, Oby and Chloe.

Happy Holidays too!

Angela

Kristina said...

It's interesting that you posted this because I've been listening to a set of music lately that contains this song. I've got a playlist I titled Inspiration and I turn to it when I'm not in the best frame of mind and need to refocus. I wanted to send it to you this Christmas, but didn't get a chance to get to the store to buy CDs to record it onto and then post it, but be sure that one day I will get a moment (!) to get to the store and get it in the mail to you. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to do that before Christmas, but as you said sometimes it's not getting everything done on time that matters, but the spirit that matters more.

Sorry that sweet Chloe is sick. Sorry that it's been a more than usual anxious time for you. I think we all go through periods of anxiety and it's nice to have anchors to help make the anxiety more bearable.

Hugs to you and wishing everyone a blessed holiday and a new year filled with much health and happiness!

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

Beautiful song, and so true. I am sorry that Chloe is sick. I hope she feels better soon. Sometimes the anxiety is inevitable as we raise these amazing little ones. ((hugs))

April said...

Oh I'm sorry that you've been anxious inside--- I love that song-- music has a way to bring peace to our hearts, doesn't it!
Hoping you have a healthy and happy Christmas! I LOVE YOU!!