A Plea for Progress

I'm tired and want to go to bed. But something kept nagging at me about my recent hospital stay. I tried to put it out of my mind, I'm just too tired to 'go there' right now. Then I was catching up on Google Reader before drifting off to sleep, and read this post on kidz with quotes from an honorable man and advocate. His call to always do what is right lifted me out of bed and encouraged me to write this letter to the administration of the hospital where I just stayed. Keep in mind that I very literally have decreased blood flow to my brain right now. I know many parts could have been worded better, but here it is in all its raw glory...

To Whom It May Concern:

I'd like to address a situation that arose multiple times during my recent 4-day stay at your facility. I hesitate to do this. I have many positive things to say and am happy to go over all the positives as well, but feel morally obligated to address one issue that I believe needs to be educated to your staff.

This thought has been nagging at me for days, that I needed to come forward and speak for those who cannot speak for themselves, but I didn't want to focus on one negative aspect of my overall positive experience. However, because today we honor Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I cannot help but remember his wise words, "The time is always right to do what is right." Therefore, I have to spread the word to end a word that many find offensive and unacceptable.

During my stay, I heard four members of your staff use the word retarded, referring to themselves or someone else for doing something stupid. Though I do know this word has latin roots and is used to describe many medical diagnoses, is found to be offensive when used in this manner. The main issue is that people who are literally mentally or physically retarded, find this term when used as a slur, to be highly insulting and offensive.

I am the parent of a child with significant special needs. I run a blog for other parents with children who have special needs. I was not personally offended when this word was used in your facility because I knew it was not done to be hurtful or unkind. However, it was done in ignorance. And ignorance, in my opinion, is the greatest disability. As an advocate for my daughter and all the other beautiful, unique people in this world who find this word offensive, I ask you to educate your staff, let them know that this word is NOT to be used in this manner. The use of this word needs to come to an end.. Not because of one patient's letter and your hopes that you can avoid a letter like this in the future, but because it is the RIGHT thing to do, and because I HOPE that you feel an ethical obligation to do the right thing.

To again echo Dr. King, "Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals." I hope that as you have now been educated of this word's inappropriateness, that you too will become passionately concerned to spread the word to end this word in your organization.

I'd also like to share a link to a video and a few words I wrote about this on my blog awhile back. http://kidzorg.blogspot.com/2011/05/not-acceptable-r-word-psa.html.

Let me end by thanking all those who cared for me during my stay. I work in the healthcare industry myself and admire all those who provide patient care in any aspect. I hope this email/letter isn't seen as a complaint, but as a plea for progress, and that it is taken seriously.

Thank you very much,

Tara Bennett

Going "There"

It's no secret:

I definitely don't hide that fact, but I try not to inundate my blog readers with doctrinal concepts or persuasive nudgings to look into it themselves. I just want to be me and share it with whoever wants to know about it and if they want more, I'm happy to give them more. So when someone from a college in Boston emailed me saying they are doing a study on Mormon parents raising children with special needs and wondered if I would be interested in participating, I gladly accepted the invitation.

Then I hesitated a bit. I mean, I'm not a perfect Mormon by any stretch of the imagination! One of my co-workers calls me Jack (for Jack Mormon). I don't say that to brag at all, but it's just true. He thinks because I swear on occasion (gasp!) and am not afraid to go to venues where there is drinking (gasp!) and drink Diet Mtn. Dew (gasp!) that surely I cannot claim to be a "real" Mormon. Whatevs, dude. Do I have room for improvement? Yes! Infinite room! But let me tell you what, I have truly questioned, studied, and looked at the LDS doctrine. I have been through the depths of my own personal hell trying to figure out what and who I believe in. And time after time, experience after experience, I have learned and gained knowledge of and faith in an eternal Father in Heaven who loves His children immeasurably and speaks to them through prophets, scriptures, and personal revelation.... just as is taught in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I cannot deny my experiences and am forever grateful for them so I have a compass in the days ahead. So I dusted off my insecurities and am going forward with the process, trying to give my perspective as an imperfect person's understanding of infallible, infinite truths.

So far, our interview has been via email, but she is coming to Salt Lake next week for an in-person meeting and to see some of the sites. It has been fun digging a little deeper into my personal beliefs and put them into words for someone else to read. Anne is not Mormon, but has been very respectful and I appreciate that. I'm actually grateful this study will be done by someone not of the LDS faith to give a non-biased perspective. I thought I'd share things we've discussed so far, mostly to keep my own record. Many answers are links, either my own or others, that do a good job of summing up my feelings on the matter(s).


1. Can you give me an introduction to Chloe and your entrance into the special needs community?

Chloe's Story

2. I've heard many LDS women speak of their children as "special souls" who are on this earth for a particular reason. I've also read many talks given by people in positions of authority in the church that lay out specific theological responses to disability. What do you think of all this? Does it impact how you see your daughter and feel about her purpose in this world?

First and foremost, let me start by saying I believe every single person is/has a unique and “special soul.” Chloe is no exception! I believe her spirit is bursting with joy and unconditional love for everyone. She has a special ability to see only the good in people, and to uplift people’s spirits just by being her. Friends and families going through difficult times ache to be around her, they beg to come over for a visit or for us to bring Chloe to them because there is no greater medicine for sadness than a dose of Chloe’s big, happy spirit! You will probably only understand this when you meet her. Do I think she would have been the same soul in a “typical” body? Yes. But I think it would have been more easily overlooked. I also think the fact that she was given and chose to accept this life encourages those who know Chloe to choose service and gratitude a lot more often than they otherwise would have. Being Chloe’s mother is a profound privilege that is nearly impossible to put into words. Also, I’m writing this with Sesame Street in the background, so I’m not sure how clear it is, but this is the best I can do for now.

Who Chloe Is Vs What Chloe Has
Wait and See
Fragile Life
Who We Are
Miracle
Heavenly Story
Meeting Life's Challenges
Sickly
Works of God
The Young Women Values, specifically Divine nature & Individual Worth

3. What made you start Kidz?

So Much More

4. What do you think of the special needs blogging community in general? Have there been moments when it's really helped you out?

Where I Land
Ode to Blogging

5. How do you feel about doctors? Do you tend to trust them? I know one mother said that she trusted doctors but that they were "just doctors" and not privy to divine workings. What do you think of that?

For some reason, this is the hardest for me to answer. I know exactly how I feel about it, but I don’t know exactly how to communicate it. I’ll do my best, though.

I feel inclined, first of all, to let you know that I think the profound miracle that is the human body is actual proof that there is a God. The inner workings of the body, the way it is created, the way it grows, the way it presents pain, the way it fights disease, etc., etc., etc…. AMAZING! I just cannot see how anyone could understand these things at any level and not believe in a divine Creator.

That being said, I have absolute respect in those who choose to understand the human body to the best of their ability, and learn to treat different ailments. I have a brother-in-law in medical school and I do and have worked in the healthcare industry for many years. Also, given our situation with Chloe’s physical condition, I have put my most prized possession, my fragile, vulnerable, precious daughter, in the hands of medical professionals more times than I can count! Without question, they have my admiration and trust.

However, (you knew that was coming, didn’t you?) my respect and trust for medical professionals goes full circle back to the beginning of my answer. I believe medical doctor’s knowledge is limited, whereas the wisdom and love of our Heavenly Father is infinite. My favorite and most trusted doctors are those who are humble and freely admit that they don’t know everything, might need to study more, consult with other doctors, etc., before being able to determine the best plan of action. I don’t know or care, really, if our doctors are Mormon or atheist. I don’t expect them to seek divine intervention, that is something I do and my family does as we take different steps in regard to Chloe’s health. I gather as much information and knowledge from doctors as I can possibly take in, then my husband and I discuss the information, make a decision together, and take that decision to our Heavenly Father in prayer. If, after sincere prayer, we feel peaceful about our decision(s), we go forward. If not, we keep asking questions, we get more opinions, we dig deeper. More often than not, we feel good about the direction doctors give and go with their advice.

6. Did you serve a mission or attend a BYU school?

I did not serve a mission or go to BYU. My husband did go on a mission, though, to the Kennewick, Washington area. I went to Utah State, University of Utah, and University of Phoenix. I have a Bachelor's in Business Management and am working on a Master's in Healthcare Administration. (Just 3 classes to go!)

~~~

If any of you in the Salt Lake area are LDS, have a special needs child(ren) and would like to meet Anne this upcoming week and/or participate in the study, just let me know. I know she would welcome any takers!

How We Roll

The weather has been sublime for a couple days now, so I dusted off the bike and the bike trailer and we found the pump to pump up the tires. We were ready to ride!

Or that's what I thought til I tried sitting Chloe in the bike trailer this morning. It just wasn't happening. The last two summers, we would lay her on her side and buckle her up. But now she's way too long for that! And she still doesn't have enough trunk support to sit up and be buckled in the way the bike trailer was meant for kiddos to be in. So I jimmy-rigged her special tomato seat in there and away we went! I used the bike trailer straps, but that wasn't enough, so yes -- there are hair ties holding my child in! I don't know what else you'd expect from the goat people - that's just how we roll around here!


Our ride was fantastic! My feet didn't hurt at all and Chloe had a blast! We passed some horses and I didn't think it was a big deal. But Chloe kept yelling at me. I was trying to figure out what was wrong, and finally I asked, "Do you want to go back and say hi to the horses?" She said, "Uh huh!" How do you say no to that? You don't!....

Special Delivery!

How sweet is my mom? This morning, there was a knock on the door and when Oby answered, it was Mom saying, "Special Delivery for Tara Bennett!" with a bouquet of my favorite flowers, daffodils, in tow....

I love them because, not only are they beautiful, but they are the first sign of spring and a symbol of hope. Thanks, Mom!....

Another special delivery that happened recently was my cousins, Marianne and Doug's, litter of beagle pups!....

There are ten of them!....

Chloe was intrigued at first....

But she didn't want the little guy to get too close! lol!....

While we were at Marianne's, she delivered the finished project she's been working on for Chloe, a weighted blanket (thanks for the tip, Heidi!). We LOVE it. I can't wait to see if it helps her sleep/nap, but even if it doesn't help with that, it's cute and she seems to like it!....

And the final delivery is a picture of my chipped tooth. I can't believe I'm doing this, but I had so many requests for it.... comments on my blog, facebook messages & emails.... I give the people what they want. LOL! So here's a pic of my karma-induced chipped tooth....

And I REALLY can't believe I'm doing this, but here's a close-up, showing my chipped tooth and how it's in the same spot as Chloe's missing tooth....

LOL. Talk about TMI! That's about as close-up as you'd ever want to get! I'm a mega dork, but at least I can admit it. :)

Dreams Do Come True

I can't believe I'm going to go "there," but I decided, what the heck. The blog's called TMI, so you have to know I'm going to go "there" on occasion. Going "there" just means I'm going somewhere uncomfortable and possibly inappropriate.

Today's "there" is: an ex-boyfriend.

I know. Gag. Who cares? Well, when his face headlines the local news, as his did last night, it gets you thinking. And because the outcome of that relationship was such a pivotal time in my life, when I got thinking about it, I thought a LOT. And when I think, I blog. It's just what I do. So here we are.

Bear with me as I share this story. There is joy, there are castles, there is darkness, there are angels, there is heartbreak, there is blood, there are police officers.... but I promise I will get to the point, so be patient.

So let's start the story 'back in the day.'

Picture it. 2002. I was "in between boyfriends" as I liked to call it. A long-term relationship had just ended, leaving me pretty sad and lonely. Never one to give up on my dreams, though, I trudged through the pain and tried to keep myself open to a future with someone else. Then one day at a church function for singles, a dark, tall, dapper man came up to me. He was rather charming and quite persistent.



An attorney, a man of God who went to church, had served a mission, loved his family, had delightful friends, and he seemed to truly adore me. He was sweet, thoughtful, fun. He made me very happy and I actually glowed....



He had a boat and a vacation home in Vegas. We were always going on little getaways with friends and family. We took Bible classes together (cheesy, yet true). We stayed up laughing and talking. We golfed, played tennis, rode bikes..... we were kind of like the Double Mint Twins.



There were no red flags.....

Except one. My ex-boyfriend, the one at the beginning of this story who had just dashed my heart, yeah him, he had a problem with the relationship. It turned out that my ex-boyfriend had been roommates in college with the new boyfriend, and they didn't get along. Ex-boyfriend went on and on about what a scumbag new boyfriend was and how he just wasn't the one for me.

Um, obviously that red flag didn't hold much merit.

And so the relationship continued to progress with new boyfriend. I flew to Texas to meet his family. He spent time with my family. We were almost never apart. After awhile, we talked about getting married and even picked out a home where we would live when we were married. It was a nice home, don't get me wrong, but I built it up in my mind to be larger than life, kind of like this:


Then one night after a romantic date, we just popped in to a fancy jeweler and picked out a few rings. They were lovely rings if I remember correctly, but at the time, in my mind, they looked a lot like this:



That night after picking out my lovely ring, I just felt so elated and peaceful about my future. I had already made my decision, but decided to run it by my Heavenly Father. I said a prayer explaining the decision I had made and asking for direction and guidance as I went forward with this decision. Expecting full approval from the powers that be, I snuggled up in my bed filled with as much joy and happiness as I had yet experienced.

After that prayer, I went to sleep, and I dreamed. In my dream, I flashed forward to my life as a wife to this man. We lived in the Cinderella castle, I had the giant ring, I was bouncing a baby on my hip, and I got a phone call. It was my husband's partner asking me to come pick him up from the office because he was drunk again. I packed up my child, picked up my drunk husband, and brought him home. I sat in our bedroom and watched him wake up with a hangover. I asked if he had ever cheated on me and he said that he had.

When I woke up from this dream, there was a dark -- BLACK -- feeling surrounded me. I wrestled with the darkness, until I realized that the dream was an answer to my prayer. As soon as I accepted that and knew that I had to immediately put an end to the relationship, the dark feeling was replaced with warmth and love and light.

It didn't seem logical. Surely he didn't drink and philander. Of course he wouldn't go against his religion and deceive me like that. He was perfect. But the spiritual feelings I had surpassed all logic. And so I went to this person, who had never said an unkind thing to me, handed him a few of his belongings, said that I could no longer have a relationship with him. He didn't ask for an explanation. We just said goodbye. And that was that.

There were a few times in the days and weeks that followed that I second-guessed myself. I thought I just might be going crazy.... having visions, losing my mind, pushing away love and happiness out of some sort of deep self-loathing. Then I would remember how real the dream and feelings that followed were, and I would be okay.

A month after the break-up, my phone rang at 3 am. It was him. Drunk. He had just been in an accident and was bleeding. My best friend who was my roommate at the time is a nurse and he knew it. He wanted her help. Because she was/is a saint, she went with me to help him.

He opened the door. His eyes were different, he seemed hollow. Somehow I noticed his eyes first. But after I got over that, I realized that blood was gushing out of his head and he was seriously injured. He explained that he had been drinking and been in an accident.

It's called a DUI.

But he was an attorney, and a DUI wouldn't look good for him and his professional future, so he had left the scene of his accident so he wouldn't get in trouble. We helped clean him up a bit, then took him straight to the ER. I told him I wouldn't lie for him and I didn't. The truth came out, all of it. It wasn't until then that I told him about the dream. In his drunken state, he said that when I broke up with him, he thought it was because somehow I had found out that he had been cheating on me with his client.

WHAT!?!?! He was a drunken, cheating son of a gun. Thank heavens for that dream. Thank heavens for answers to prayers. Further discussion also brought up the fact that he was anti-Mormon, even though I met him at an LDS activity, attended church with him, went to LDS-doctrine classes with him. To this day, I don't understand that aspect of it. Anti-Mormon, yet wants to pretend to be a Mormon with a Mormon girl? Don't get it.

Anyway, after more drama with police thinking I had aided a criminal, and then having to testify in court about what happened that drunken night, the whole ugly thing was behind me. And I was glad.

It's been seven years now. Obviously after that incident, I took my prayers, dreams, and relationships quite a bit more seriously. Nothing was ever that dramatic again, until the peace I felt after deciding to marry Oby. But that's for another post. I've known ever since that time how aware the Lord is of all his children. It is comforting to be in such good hands, isn't it?

I hadn't thought of this situation for ages, until last night when I got a phone call. It was my mom telling me to turn on the news, that they were going to be doing a story about something that might interest me. And so I paused my DVR, anxiously awaiting what might be so interesting.....

Attorney faces judge for 5th time on his own DUI charges

100 pounds heavier, 5 DUI's later, he's now in jail. Sad.

There's more about the story here if you're interested.

I dodged a bullet there, wouldn't ya say?

Please don't misunderstand my story. I don't claim to be prophetic, but extremely humble and reminded of how much the Lord loves his children, protects them, helps them, directs them. Even though it was hard to see a person I once cared for making poor choices and letting his potential go to waste, it was a good reminder to me of the power of prayer. Never, ever underestimate the power of prayer and the love of the Lord.

So You Think You Can.... Remake a Beatles Song?

Something tells me I'm not the only SYTYCD mega fan out there. Can I get a boo-yah from all the rest of you SYTYCD fans?!? I actually don't quite get why I love the show so much. I'm not typically into dance. I respect dancers immensely - because I can't dance AT ALL. No, seriously, even when I'm just doing workout videos in front of Chloe, it sends her into hysterics! Even she knows her mom is seriously lacking in coordination. =)

So I've been thinking about it, and figured out that although I enjoy watching the dances, and I even like the annoying judges, the reasons I truly LOVE the show are: Cat Deeley and the music.

Now don't get all jaw-dropping on me. My girl-crush on Cat Deeley isn't anything too weird. I just love that girl's hair, clothes, and cute personality! Isn't she simply fab?!

Next up: the music. They come up with the latest, greatest songs that you won't hear on the radio. But then they go and make the songs popular, and sure enough the radio snags them for some playtime. But before radio, songs like this can be heard on SYTYCD.

Don't you just love it!?!?!? And that's just one! I could go on and on, but nothing beats a Beatles tune with a twist!

Thoughts on Thanking

So my mom asked me a question the other day, and it's got me thinking about thanking. She wondered why people don't take the time to send thank you notes anymore. She said she doesn't need a thank you note only for the sentiment. Often she leaves a gift on a doorstep or with a family member, and just wants to make sure the person actually got the gift. And if not a thank you note, a phone call?

"I guess times have just changed," she said.

Rewind about 30 years. Yes, that's how old I am. My mom has engrained in my mind since the day I was born that when someone does something nice for you, you respond by sending them a thank you card to let them know how much you appreciate it. No good deed should ever go unnoticed - or unthanked.



Until recently I've been pretty good about sending my thank you notes whenever the situation presented itself. It isn't always necessarily about a gift, either. If someone said something that made my day, off went a thank you card. If someone went out of their way for me or my family in any way, you guessed it - they got their thank you card in the mail a few days later.

But it was sometime last fall that I fell out of my habit. The reason? I was at lunch with some of my friends, and they started making fun of me for all those thank you notes! They said it was sweet, but basically, it was a bit much. They thought my saying thank you was enough. I went away from the lunch thinking, 'Okay, I'll save some time, some trees, and some teasing, and forego my thank you notes.'

So Christmas came. Oby, Chloe and I were spoiled. Last Christmas I had stocked up on festive thank you notes, so I had them. But I didn't fill them out. I didn't send them. Not even to my mom. *Gasp!* It actually took physical restraint to change my habit, but I managed. And then I realized that it did save a lot of time, stamps, and trees by not sending an actual thank you note. Of course everyone who gave gifts was thanked - in person.

But is that enough?

Tell me, bloggy friends, do you send thank you notes? Do you prefer saying thanks in person or over the phone? How about an email? Do you like getting thank you notes? Talk to me, Goose....

No More 'R Word' Please!

A giant thank you to my bloggy friend Lana for letting me know about this movement that has been started by the Special Olympics....

To be completely honest, I use the word on occasion. I stop myself always, but it's often at the tip of my tongue. Not to be used to mock or be unkind - of course - but just using it in jest, usually referring to myself. But it is not a kind word. To even think of someone using that word in reference to Chloe literally makes my heart ache. Please don't use it. Help spread the word to end the word!!!

Early Valentine's Day Presents

Oby gave me this beautiful early Valentine's Day present....

All You Need is Love, by The Good Girl Studio

So, needless to say, he got an early Valentine's Day present as well. ;o)

TMI? Whoops! Well, you were fairly warned!

Farewell

Let me preface by saying this is not a political post.

This is a non-partisan blog.

(Trust me, I learned from my pal Nikki not to go there!)

I anxiously await positive change, just as I'm sure the entire country does. Tomorrow is the beginning of Barack Obama's time in office. I will support him and pray for him as he strives to take us in bold and different directions.

But today is George W.'s last day as president. I want to show him a little respect (mixed with a little light-hearted but well-deserved teasing).

Am I the only one who likes George W.? Again, not speaking for political reasons, just the simple likability of the man, and the fact that I looked to him when our country was in a significant crisis. He has led this country through some remarkable times. Many people may not have liked the way he did it, but he had a noteworthy run nonetheless. Stroll with me down memory lane as I reflect upon:

First, some hysterical George W. Bush moments....

• His campaign with Al Gore depicted on Saturday Night Live via Will Ferrell.
  

In my humble opinion, the Gore/Bush campaign brought forth some of the best SNL moments of all time.

• The "dangling chad" issue.
  
  
  

• Bushisms.
  

"They misunderestimated me." -November, 2000

"Thank you, your Holiness. Awesome speech." --George W. Bush, to Pope Benedict

"A lot of times in politics you have people look you in the eye and tell you what's not on their mind." -April, 2008

.... just to name a few.

And then, some historical George W. Bush moments....

• 9/11.

"These acts shattered steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve....

• 

"Tonight, I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the children whose worlds have been shattered, for all whose sense of safety and security has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a power greater than any of us, spoken through the ages in Psalm 23: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me."

"This is a day when all Americans from every walk of life unite in our resolve for justice and peace. America has stood down enemies before, and we will do so this time. None of us will ever forget this day. Yet, we go forward to defend freedom and all that is good and just in our world."

• The way he welcomed the Obama's into the White House.
  
  
  

• The living Presidents' Lunch.
  

• His optimism for the future.

"President Thomas Jefferson once wrote, "I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past." As I leave the house he occupied two centuries ago, I share that optimism. America is a young country, full of vitality, constantly growing and renewing itself. And even in the toughest times, we lift our eyes to the broad horizon ahead."

Farewell George and Laura!