Labor Day Loungers

Isn't this the sweetest picture of my lovies relaxing in the hammock at the cabin? We went for a quick visit over Labor Day weekend and I'm so glad we did. The weather was just divine and the leaves are barely starting to change. Everywhere you looked, you could see mostly green aspen leaves with little splashes of yellow. I don't know how anyone lives where there aren't all 4 seasons. The changes renew my soul and are evidence of divinity. Gettin' pretty deep over a simple hammock pic, but whaddaya do? haha

May 2013

Chloe turned 6 this year! I usually go all-out on parties, but I kept it more low-key this year. Chloe was happy as could be so I'd say it was a success! Can't believe she's 6!!! What a big girl!

She got this cerebral palsy square float for her birthday and was in it most of May through August. I'd say it was a hit!

My sweetie on Memorial Day

May brought about some HUGE news for which I don't have any pictures, but feel the need to document. Oby started a new job in the end of April, which ended up being a miracle/answer to prayers because, truly, when I quit my job in March, we couldn't afford it. His new job more than made up for the money we were missing and it was a huge blessing. SOoooo.... In the beginning of May, we felt like we could really pursue trying to have a second child. We hadn't been preventing pregnancy off and on since Chloe was about a year old, but still no baby. So the beginning of May, we went to an infertility specialist. I had been feeling emotional and sick pretty much since I quit my job and kept thinking it was all in my head and just the transition of being at home full time.... BUT during the process of infertility testing - no treatment had been incurred, mind you - we found out I was ELEVEN WEEKS pregnant! Turns out, feeling emotional and icky wasn't just in my head after all! I was all but done with the first trimester when I found out! We were over the moon ecstatic!!!! My due date is December 17th of this year. Chloe is SO excited to be a big sister!!! And, truly, the timing could not be more perfect since Chloe will be in school full time once the baby comes. The big guy really is in charge and His timing is perfect. I already knew that, but sometimes you just cannot deny it! This was one of those times. May was a good month. :)

Oh, except one pretty major bummer. Sometime shortly after Chloe's birthday, I was taking pictures of her in her new float while she was in the hot tub. I must have gotten too close and either got the camera in the water or the steam just got in the camera. Sigh. Well, however it happened, my good camera got ruined. So that explains why pictures from here on out until we get a new camera are pretty poor quality from my phone. As long as I get a new camera before the baby comes, I suppose I'll survive! ;)

Quotes from TOFW

I went to Time Out for Women last week. It was such a treat! I went with a friend I made whose son with cerebral palsy got a g-tube the same day Chloe did. We took a required g-tube class together and were instant friends! It was so much fun to be uplifted together.

I wrote down all my favorite thoughts and quotes. I was sad when not all of them were on pinterest for me to pin and share, so I decided to create them as pin-friendly pictures. Enjoy!

Easter

Life is just wooshing by so fast!

But every once in awhile, we stop.

....and soak it all in.

Like Easter weekend.

Chloe was extra excited this year for the Easter bunny to hop on by with goodies just for her! 

Look at the twinkle in her eyes!

It wasn't just about the Easter bunny, though.

On Easter Sunday, angels were ALL around Chloe.

She was just chatting away with all her visitors.

There could never be a better reminder of the true meaning of Easter

than having this precious soul communicating with those who have passed on.

There are reasons this girl cannot speak.

She keeps secrets.

And those secrets are why she smiles such a magic smile!

She knows things.

 

I love this picture, it's a little Easter "hello!"

And this pic shows Chloe's "excited" face....

She brings her arms up, lifts her tounge up, and rolls her eyes up.

Oh I just love every square inch of her!

Easter was appropriately filled with cousin time and an Easter egg hunt!

We hope everyone had a wonderful Easter.

And to all our friends and loved ones who have lost special loved ones or are missing someone in their hearts (oh, there are far too many), please know how real the hope of Easter is. If you ever forget, come spend some time with Chloe and watch her communicate with those special souls. It is pure magic.

Streams of Mercy Never Ceasing

I can't get this song out of my head. Especially the lines, "...streams of mercy never ceasing..." and, "He to rescue me from danger...." Every single doctor and nurse who comes in my room asks if I know how lucky I am. Yes, I do, and am humbled and eternally grateful.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we? I'm not sure where the beginning even is, but when I look back I understand the truth of the phrase, 'hindsight is 20/20.'

I had a horrible head cold most of December that at one point included a ridiculous looking eye infection. No matter how much I tried to treat the congestion, my post nasal drip and therefore cough were just uncontrollable. For several weeks I was sleeping on the couch with 4-5 pillows to help prop me up to try to prevent some of the coughing. At one point I was given Hycodan for the cough, and I thought I had a reaction from that because I was throwing up and just miserable. From here, I'm going to start going with dates. I have a lot of nurse friends or friends who are interested in medical stuff, so since I'm an open book, here ya go. More than anything, though, I'm writing this down for my own record.

December 27 or 28: I was so frustrated the congestion and coughing wouldn't go away. I had prescription-strength decongestants plus was doing essential oils, humidifier, neti pot, anything! So on a lunch break, I ran to Walgreens and decided to try behind the counter Sudafed (again) and see if that would do anything this time. Later that afternoon, I could barely walk in a straight line. I felt dizzy, nauseous, like the room was spinning, and would almost fall over when I walked. I wanted to go home early, but didn't even dare to drive. I called Oby and he said my brother-in-law (who lives close to my work) was actually coming out to our house, so to see if he would bring me when he came. Of course he did. This is one of many of those moments that nearly brings me to tears. I have so many people I can count on. What a beautiful gift! We went out to dinner with them that night and no matter how hard I tried, I could not focus on the conversation. I just didn't feel "right." When we got home, I bent over to get something and just fell right on my face. Twice. I attributed it to a reaction to the Sudafed (even though I had taken Sudafed many times before), and went to bed hoping to feel better the next day. When I was kissing Oby goodnight, he said, "What's wrong with your eye? It looks droopy." All I could think was, thanks a lot, I feel like crap and now I look like crap too... Sheesh.

December 29: I woke up with a very stiff neck, which I attributed to sleeping wrong on the couch with 5 pillows. Took some Ibuprofen and headed to work. About 20 minutes into the drive, the pain was nearly blinding and I was having flashes of light. I went to an Urgent Care. I was diagnosed with sinnusitis, and they thought the pain in my neck was from coughing and sleeping on it incorrectly. We thought *maybe* I was pregnant, but a test ruled that out. I was given antibiotics and told to drink lots of water. Everything -- pain, nausea, coughing, vomiting, got significantly worse hour by hour from that point. I took the antibiotics, but wasn't able to keep them down.

December 30: Bound and determined to go to Aunt Reita's funeral, I got up and got ready. Combing out my hair after my shower nearly killed me from the pain in my neck. I threw up every sip of Sprite and nibble of saltines I tried to ingest. But I was NOT going to miss Aunt Reita's funeral. So we headed there, having to pull over 3-4 times on our way. I greeted the family at the viewing, and had to run to the bathroom twice. When I got up to throw up the third time, I knew I needed to leave. Although I didn't want to miss Aunt Reita's funeral, I also didn't want to disrupt it or turn everyone's attention to me. So we left. Again, everything continued to get worse and worse. The pain in my neck was now radiating into every part of my head. It literally felt like there were ice picks and axes jabbed into about 3 spots of my head. Oby was worried about me and took me to the ER. They ruled out meningitis because I was able to move my neck and although my white blood cell count was a little high, it wasn't anywhere near what it would be if I had meningitis. They did a CT scan, which they said showed no masses or hemorrhages, and therefore decided I was having a "weird migraine." They didn't think I needed the antibiotics which had been prescribed the day before. They gave me Zofran for nausea and sent us home. They said if I wasn't a lot better in 2-3 days, to come back.

December 31: The Zofran was NOT working. Still not keeping anything down. Just laid in bed all day and tried to sleep. Prayed a lot. When my neighbors started the New Year's Eve fireworks and celebrations at midnight, I was pretty sure I might die from the pain it caused in my head.

January 1: Still not better from the last ER visit, still not keeping anything down and worried about dehydration, we went back to the ER. This time I had a female doctor. Not do be a sexist or anything, but it doesn't hurt a doctor to have education, knowledge AND intuition. Just sayin'. She was definitely taking me seriously (whereas no other doctor had seemed to before). She repeated the CT scan of my brain and neck, did with and without contrast, consulted with lots of doctors.... she was really worried about me. I was just glad to be taken seriously. She said the CT scan showed "something" by my mandible, and since my white blood cell count was a little high that I must have an infection that settled in my jaw. That triggered the memory that I had a tooth extracted on that side back in October. We all decided I must have a lingering infection from that. I was put on Augmentin for an antibiotic, switched to Phenergran for nausea, Percocet for pain, and sent home. But this doctor told me she was really, really concerned, and if I wasn't feeling significantly better in 2 days, said she wanted me back in the ER or at least to follow up with my primary care physician.

January 3 (day): I had been keeping food down since I started the Phenergran, but my head pain was worse instead of better (even though I didn't think that was possible). I went to see my primary care physician (who was my dad's primary care physician, since I don't usually have health issues and don't see a doctor regularly). He was friendly, but a little condescending (at first). He said I needed to be patient with the antibiotics, and suggested I drink more water. He couldn't see me rolling my eyes because I was wearing sunglasses in the room since light seemed to make the head pain a little worse. So while he did his notes in the computer, I asked if I could lay down because holding my own head up made the pain even that much worse, but if I could rest my head, the neck pain subsided significantly. He said I could lay down, then when I did, he could see the relief on my face. He stopped typing. He came over and did a bunch of neurological tests (squeeze my fingers, do you feel me touching your feet, etc.). He said, I want you to go to the Emergency Room and get an MRI. Wow, change of tune. He said he'd had a serious spinal infection a few years ago and that laying down was the only thing that relieved the pain. So when I said that to him, he was stopped in his tracks. I was hesitant to go back to the ER, but he practically insisted. "Obviously, it's your choice since you have to pay the copay, but if you were my daughter, I would insist on it." I went home to eat dinner and think about it. Ugh, the ER.... sitting in the waiting room with stinky people for hours, only to be told you're crazy and to go home... I just couldn't bare it yet again. But I thought, what if something life-altering or life-threatening happens and I think, 'If only I had gone to the ER like he said.' I hate regrets, so I couldn't bare that thought. So off we went.

January 3 (evening): Checked in to the ER for the 3rd time that week. We were regulars, that's not a good thing. The wait was the longest it had been, and the pain was worse than ever. When I finally saw the doctor, we explained that we were there because my primary care physician wanted me to get an MRI. He said he would look at my prior CT scans and come back. He came back and said everything looked normal on the CTs, so I just needed to wait for the migraine to go away and the antibiotic to work on the infection. I asked if he could give me a higher dose of Percocet or a different type of pain medication to try to keep the head pain under control. Suddenly, I was seen as a drug seeker and taken even less seriously than before. He said I could try taking 1.5 pills instead of 1, but was trying hard not to roll his eyes and I could tell. Then I told him I knew his brother, and he went to write up the discharge papers. I don't know if it's because he knew I knew his brother or what, but he decided to investigate a little deeper. He talked to the female doctor that I had seen at the previous ER visit. He called and consulted with other doctors. Like I say, I don't know what changed his tune, but he came back with a different attitude. Suddenly he was worried too. He said to go home, drink lots of water, alternate heat and ice, rest as much as possible, and if I wasn't 100% better in 2 days, he would order the MRI. He gave me his personal cell phone number so we could be in close contact.

January 4: Just babying myself and being babied. My primary care physician called to see how the MRI went. When he found out they didn't do one, he was livid. LIVID! He said I absolutely needed to demand to have one as soon as possible. He said he would order it, but since he's not an ER physician, it would take weeks. The ER physician could order one stat. Since the pain was only getting worse, we did call the ER physician. He said he would see what he could do, but again assured us that he didn't think I needed one. He called back and said he scheduled one for January 10 (SIX days later).

January 5-6: Slowly feeling a little better... a little less nausea and a little less pain.

January 7: Even just a little bit better. My work was having a fancy work party at Hotel Monaco that I had bought an outfit for and everything. I really, really wanted to go. So even though I didn't really feel up to it, we went. I was in miserable having to hold my own head up 'n all, but it was still fun, lovely, and the food divine!

January 8-10: I started weening myself off the Percocet and only use Ibuprofen so I could drive and function at work. I was in pretty bad pain only using Ibuprofen, but it was nothing compared to what it had been.

January 10 (evening): Went to get the MRI after work. I had been told I would get three MRI's: brain, neck and spine. So when the radiology tech said they were doing one MRI of the brain, I was befuddled. I asked if we could wait, call the ordering physician to make sure it was right, just so I didn't have to come back. We did so. He answered! Yay! I thought, finally, someone is on my side and we are going to get answers. So I put him on speaker so he could clarify to the tech what needed to be done. He said something along the lines of, 'Well, she doesn't really need any MRI done, but let's get one of the brain.' I was discouraged and disheartened, and unable to fight at that point. I got the brain MRI, all the while knowing I would be back.

January 11: Big day for me. The girl was in Salt Lake from Boston for the study. We had plans to do dinner and a big interview that night. I also had people in from out of town at work and new employees I was training. This was the best I had felt in at least a month. I would dare say I felt great. I definitely still had neck pain, but it was less severe, and no longer had the headache at all! I thought I had just had some freaky virus and hoped it was behind me! Boy, was I on top of the world that day. Then at about 2 pm the radiology department called and said the radiologist wanted to speak to me immediately and could he reach me at this number. I talked to him and he said he saw "an artifact" on my brain MRI and that we needed to do a more thorough brain MRI as well as multiple MRI's of my neck to be able to know for sure what it was, and when was the soonest I could be in. I explained, well I'm working and I have an important appointment tonight, let's do it tomorrow. No, he said, tomorrow is too late. What is the soonest you could be here after your appointment. I was obviously a little freaked out, but the nurses I work with said an artifact on an MRI could be any number of things and not to worry. I finished my work day and had the dinner/interview.

January 11 (evening): Oby drove me to the MRI. He said, "What if it's something serious?" "Then we'll deal with it. I can't imagine anything that would rock my world. But if I die, put 'I told you I was sick!' on my head stone." I checked in with MRI. They said they didn't show an appointment for that name. Oh great, I thought. Here we go. She went in the back to ask someone, they came out to the waiting room, and escorted me directly back to the MRI scan. The radiology tech asked what had been so important that I couldn't come in until so late. I explained the study and the interview, to which he replied, "Hmph." Okay, I was getting a little freaked out. He said we're going to do one MRI, I'm going to send the images to the radiologist, and if he sees something, we'll do more. We did 4 MRI's because he kept seeing something. I knew something was up, but I have never in my life experienced more peace. I'm almost ashamed to admit that a little part of me was happy because I felt vindication. He took me to the waiting room and said he would consult with the radiologist and to not go anywhere. It was only 20 seconds later, he came and got me and said the radiologist wanted to talk to me. He explained I have a left distal vertebral artery dissection, a blockage in one of my arteries, and that I need to go to the Emergency Room for immediate treatment. I said, "Okay, can you say the diagnosis one more time, I'd like to write it down." "There's no time for that! Go to the emergency room, I'll have them write it down for you."

Okay, vindication is good, but he definitely freaked me out.

So here I am, still in the hospital. It is highly uncommon that they catch a vertebral artery dissection BEFORE the person has a stroke. Usually the person has a stroke, then they do an MRI and see that this was the cause. My neurosurgeon said in 15 years of being a neurosurgeon, he has only seen 2 cases where someone had this without also having a stroke.



I asked the neurologist to show Oby and I the CT scans and MRI's yesterday. It was very sobering. The tear is big and there is coagulated blood around the tear... the artery is SO narrow, it really is a MIRACLE I didn't have a stroke, and the hospital staff has not stopped telling me so since I've been here. It wasn't that I didn't believe them, but to see it was all the more humbling.

I was on Heparin, then Heparin and Coumadin, then Coumadin and Lovenox. I used to be a nurse assistant, so I document all my intake and output on the white board, make my own bed, get my own supplies and drinks.... I've been yelled at more than once and thanked more than once. Don't get me wrong, they've taken VERY good care of me, but I do what I can. I've been showered with deliveries, visits, prayers, priesthood blessings, messages, facebook support, and divine intervention. I've been enjoying room service, Pandora, Pinterest, and catching up on some of my projects. But I've missed this little girl like crazy. She's been SO brave and good, though! She comes to visit, but never wants to stay for very long. I think she's just mad that I won't give her my teddy bear!



I don't care if anyone thinks I'm crazy, but angels reside in this hospital room with me. I don't see them, I don't talk with them, but I feel their presence of love and immense peace. I have been blessed with so much peace, I've never been very worried. The only thing I really have worried about have been Chloe, Oby and our parents worrying about me. Even if I do have a stroke with side effects or even if I die. I really trust my Heavenly Father. I'm not trying to seem like the most spiritual person alive, but I just really do know that God's will is the greatest. I trust Him. And I feel like if He wanted me to or okay with me having a stroke or passing away, it would have already happened.

I'm not out of the woods yet. There's still a chance I'll have a stroke. But they're sending me home today. I was a little hesitant. I mean, there's not an endless supply of Diet Dr. Pepper and the good ice at home. There's not room service. If anything does happen, I'm not on monitors for specialists to immediately see. But I've been told that although there's still a chance, it's slim (no matter how hard I try, they won't give me a percentage), and also that if I do have a stroke or have signs that a stroke is about to happen, there's not really a lot they could do for me in the hospital anyway besides treat the symptoms. So if that happens at home, we could just call an ambulance or rush to the ER. And this way I can be home with my sweethearts. And I DO miss them immensely.

I can honestly say that although this experience has been painful, frustrating, and exhausting, I am grateful for it. I am grateful for the human body. I mentioned that in my previous post before I even knew what was going on. The complex inner workings of the human body ASTOUND me! Even though the physical pain I had at certain times during this experience was nearly unbearable, I was grateful for it, even when I was going through it. Because I knew it was God's masterpiece communicating that something was wrong. What a gift our bodies are! What a gift life is! And the people who love and support us and are there when we REALLY need them, it's such a gift! I think I already knew all of that before this, but this has certainly emphasized my gratitude for those things and my CARPE DIEM attitude! Life and love are such beautiful gifts. I want to embrace them more than ever, and NEVER miss an opportunity to give service, show gratitude, or express love.

THANK YOU to everyone who has shown love and support during this ordeal. I have truly gained strength and courage from it. I feel the power of everyone's prayers. This has been the sweetest of all the Lord's mercies on me. Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU.

Going "There"

It's no secret:

I definitely don't hide that fact, but I try not to inundate my blog readers with doctrinal concepts or persuasive nudgings to look into it themselves. I just want to be me and share it with whoever wants to know about it and if they want more, I'm happy to give them more. So when someone from a college in Boston emailed me saying they are doing a study on Mormon parents raising children with special needs and wondered if I would be interested in participating, I gladly accepted the invitation.

Then I hesitated a bit. I mean, I'm not a perfect Mormon by any stretch of the imagination! One of my co-workers calls me Jack (for Jack Mormon). I don't say that to brag at all, but it's just true. He thinks because I swear on occasion (gasp!) and am not afraid to go to venues where there is drinking (gasp!) and drink Diet Mtn. Dew (gasp!) that surely I cannot claim to be a "real" Mormon. Whatevs, dude. Do I have room for improvement? Yes! Infinite room! But let me tell you what, I have truly questioned, studied, and looked at the LDS doctrine. I have been through the depths of my own personal hell trying to figure out what and who I believe in. And time after time, experience after experience, I have learned and gained knowledge of and faith in an eternal Father in Heaven who loves His children immeasurably and speaks to them through prophets, scriptures, and personal revelation.... just as is taught in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I cannot deny my experiences and am forever grateful for them so I have a compass in the days ahead. So I dusted off my insecurities and am going forward with the process, trying to give my perspective as an imperfect person's understanding of infallible, infinite truths.

So far, our interview has been via email, but she is coming to Salt Lake next week for an in-person meeting and to see some of the sites. It has been fun digging a little deeper into my personal beliefs and put them into words for someone else to read. Anne is not Mormon, but has been very respectful and I appreciate that. I'm actually grateful this study will be done by someone not of the LDS faith to give a non-biased perspective. I thought I'd share things we've discussed so far, mostly to keep my own record. Many answers are links, either my own or others, that do a good job of summing up my feelings on the matter(s).


1. Can you give me an introduction to Chloe and your entrance into the special needs community?

Chloe's Story

2. I've heard many LDS women speak of their children as "special souls" who are on this earth for a particular reason. I've also read many talks given by people in positions of authority in the church that lay out specific theological responses to disability. What do you think of all this? Does it impact how you see your daughter and feel about her purpose in this world?

First and foremost, let me start by saying I believe every single person is/has a unique and “special soul.” Chloe is no exception! I believe her spirit is bursting with joy and unconditional love for everyone. She has a special ability to see only the good in people, and to uplift people’s spirits just by being her. Friends and families going through difficult times ache to be around her, they beg to come over for a visit or for us to bring Chloe to them because there is no greater medicine for sadness than a dose of Chloe’s big, happy spirit! You will probably only understand this when you meet her. Do I think she would have been the same soul in a “typical” body? Yes. But I think it would have been more easily overlooked. I also think the fact that she was given and chose to accept this life encourages those who know Chloe to choose service and gratitude a lot more often than they otherwise would have. Being Chloe’s mother is a profound privilege that is nearly impossible to put into words. Also, I’m writing this with Sesame Street in the background, so I’m not sure how clear it is, but this is the best I can do for now.

Who Chloe Is Vs What Chloe Has
Wait and See
Fragile Life
Who We Are
Miracle
Heavenly Story
Meeting Life's Challenges
Sickly
Works of God
The Young Women Values, specifically Divine nature & Individual Worth

3. What made you start Kidz?

So Much More

4. What do you think of the special needs blogging community in general? Have there been moments when it's really helped you out?

Where I Land
Ode to Blogging

5. How do you feel about doctors? Do you tend to trust them? I know one mother said that she trusted doctors but that they were "just doctors" and not privy to divine workings. What do you think of that?

For some reason, this is the hardest for me to answer. I know exactly how I feel about it, but I don’t know exactly how to communicate it. I’ll do my best, though.

I feel inclined, first of all, to let you know that I think the profound miracle that is the human body is actual proof that there is a God. The inner workings of the body, the way it is created, the way it grows, the way it presents pain, the way it fights disease, etc., etc., etc…. AMAZING! I just cannot see how anyone could understand these things at any level and not believe in a divine Creator.

That being said, I have absolute respect in those who choose to understand the human body to the best of their ability, and learn to treat different ailments. I have a brother-in-law in medical school and I do and have worked in the healthcare industry for many years. Also, given our situation with Chloe’s physical condition, I have put my most prized possession, my fragile, vulnerable, precious daughter, in the hands of medical professionals more times than I can count! Without question, they have my admiration and trust.

However, (you knew that was coming, didn’t you?) my respect and trust for medical professionals goes full circle back to the beginning of my answer. I believe medical doctor’s knowledge is limited, whereas the wisdom and love of our Heavenly Father is infinite. My favorite and most trusted doctors are those who are humble and freely admit that they don’t know everything, might need to study more, consult with other doctors, etc., before being able to determine the best plan of action. I don’t know or care, really, if our doctors are Mormon or atheist. I don’t expect them to seek divine intervention, that is something I do and my family does as we take different steps in regard to Chloe’s health. I gather as much information and knowledge from doctors as I can possibly take in, then my husband and I discuss the information, make a decision together, and take that decision to our Heavenly Father in prayer. If, after sincere prayer, we feel peaceful about our decision(s), we go forward. If not, we keep asking questions, we get more opinions, we dig deeper. More often than not, we feel good about the direction doctors give and go with their advice.

6. Did you serve a mission or attend a BYU school?

I did not serve a mission or go to BYU. My husband did go on a mission, though, to the Kennewick, Washington area. I went to Utah State, University of Utah, and University of Phoenix. I have a Bachelor's in Business Management and am working on a Master's in Healthcare Administration. (Just 3 classes to go!)

~~~

If any of you in the Salt Lake area are LDS, have a special needs child(ren) and would like to meet Anne this upcoming week and/or participate in the study, just let me know. I know she would welcome any takers!

The Gifts We Keep

Every year, I have a Christmas anthem, a song that really touches me and becomes my theme for the Christmas season. This year was no different! Jack Johnson's In the Morning has a light-hearted tune, but a deep message. It is all about the magic of Christmas morning, but the lines that really get me are, "These are the gifts we keep... these moments are the only gifts we need." I tried to remember that message throughout the entire month of December, gathering those little glimpses of Christmas magic from Chloe and storing them in my heart.... those moments were my true Christmas gifts! Christmas morning was filled with magical moments for me to store in my heart and keep forever! What a blessed day :)

Chloe's excitement was a little delayed Christmas morning. She wanted to keep sleeping! But her smile slowly appeared when we told her that Santa had come in the night!



Look at her face. I just know if she could speak, she would have been saying, "Mom, look! Santa came! He really came!"



She almost burst with anticipation to play with 'her very own computer,' that she had asked for from Santa. She didn't even wait for it to be turned all the way on!


There it is again, a gift for Mom to keep -- that face! I love it!!! It reminds me of another line from the song "So much joy, I'm afraid to be swept away."....



Grammy and Papa got to see some of the Christmas morning magic as well. Chloe just couldn't get enough of ripping the paper off. I swear she didn't even care what was hiding beneath the paper, she just wanted to rip!!!




Oby and I both got spoiled this year -- too many gifts to even name, but I will say that Oby treated me well and so did our parents! The majority of Oby's gifts were camping-themed, but I think he was most excited about this camping chef. I have a feeling more tent camping is in our future, and that's fine with me!



The tradition has usually been to have breakfast at Grandma and Grandpa Bennett's house. We switched things up a little this year, but still enjoyed having breakfast at Nana's with Grandma and Grandpa Taylor. Homemade muffins, fresh fruit, good company... couldn't ask for more than that!...



As long as Chloe got to see Izzy and show off her iPad, she was happy :)



We still got to stop by and see Grandma and Grandpa Bennett. I think getting to see Chloe was the only thing they really wanted for Christmas anyway! Oh how they adore her!!!



I played piano for the choir at church Christmas day. I wasn't necessarily looking forward to having church on Christmas day, thinking it would cut into our traditions. How wrong I was! It was such a joyous day! My emotions were so close to the surface, being able to truly celebrate Christ on His day. My heart was so tender listening to children sing about the nativity, I was afraid I might just turn into a big puddle. I kept praying that I could keep my emotions in check and I did.

Then I rushed home to be with my sweethearts (they were both fighting a bug so we decided we didn't want to take our chances and kept them home from church). The first thing my mom said when I came in to get Chloe was, "I have bad news."

My beautiful Aunt Reita had passed away that morning.

Just a couple days before she had dropped a present off for my mom. It was a sign that said, "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain." Never before has someone lived that concept more than Aunt Reita. She had such a hard life, yet was literally bubbling over with contagious happiness!


Although this was such a hard thing to know, it put the true meaning of Christmas at the forefront of my mind. The symbols of Christmas that were all around -- the evergreen tree pointing to heaven, the eternal round wreath, etc. -- were there to remind me that Christ's birth, life, and atonement were the true gifts of Christmas, so that the sting of death, the painful separation from those we love, is only temporary. How grateful I am for my Savior and the knowledge that He lives and because of that we will all live again.

After a few moments of grief, I couldn't help but think of the special reunions that were happening in heaven right then. Here is my Aunt Reita greeting my Aunt Luana at a Christmas party about 15 years ago. Aunt Luana and Uncle Revere had been on an LDS Mission for about 18 months and were supposed to be returning the next January. But they got to come home a month early and surprised us at the big family party. I was the first to see her, then got to take pictures of all the excited faces as she surprised us!!!

Aunt Luana passed away a few short years after that party. The image of my two blessed aunts reuniting in heaven was another of those gifts that made my Christmas extra special this year.

Reita Mae Bybee

June 29, 1936 ~ December 25, 2011

Angels Among Us

I wanted to share the details of a Christmas party I helped plan for our ward's Relief Society. In case anyone needed any Christmas party ideas (a few of you have asked), and as an excuse to share the recipe we used. :)

It was themed 'Angels Among Us' and was about how small acts of service make a big impact on the lives of others and help us to become more like Christ. It was simple and lovely. We got the original idea here on Sugardoodle.

Those of us in charge served dinner to the ladies. It was a nice change from the typical potluck-style. Our centerpieces were divine, I really wish I had gotten a picture of them! Oh, and dinner was delish! We served this Parmesan Baked Chicken along with baked potatoes, salad, rolls and cheesecake. Yummers!

Parmesan Baked Chicken

2.5 lbs. chicken, cut into nice size portions
4 slices bread (the cheap stuff works best)
3/4 c parmesan cheese (not fresh)
1/8 c parsley flakes
1 t salt
1 t garlic salt
1/8 t pepper
1/2 c butter (or less)
Mayonnaise

Blend the bread in the blender, then mix with cheese, parsley flakes, and
seasoning. Dip chicken breast in mayonnaise, then roll in crumb mixture
until coated. Place in pan. Drizzle butter on top. Cover with foil and
bake 1-1/2 hours. Uncover and bake 15-20 minutes more or until slightly
crispy. Bake time may be a little less, depending on the pan and oven.

After dinner, we showed this video:

For a few weeks before the party, we had passed around papers during Sunday School asking people to share anonymous stories about how someone from the ward had done an act of service for them and how that impacted their life.

Then we read the stories that had been shared anonymously. My very favorite part of the stories was that the acts of service were truly sooo simple! The littlest things like scooting over to make room for someone to sit by another person, being understanding when someone couldn't make it to something because their child was ill, not being in a rush to get home after church so they could visit and become better friends.... I don't remember everything, but honestly almost every story was about such simple acts of kindness! It really is the little things!

Two teenage sisters in our ward sang a duet of O Holy Night. They really sounded like angels singing! And the 2nd verse went perfectly with our theme!

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His Gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His Name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy Name!

Everyone was given an angel favor with a quote:

"When we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me. Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.” ― Jeffrey R. Holland

This party was just one more thing that has brought the Christmas spirit to this bursting heart of mine! Usually when I think of someone who is having a hard time, I wish there were something I could to help, but think there isn't so I do nothing. But that night truly did teach me to stop thinking and feeling that way. Now if anyone ever comes to mind, I try to do something -- anything. I hope I don't forget this little lesson, because as I look back and think of the things that have helped me the most, many of them were small and simple kindnesses by others. There is always something we can do.

I'll end with this video because it's a song about angels, but mostly because Chloe loves it. She seriously goes bazurko when she hears it! Totally makes me giggle :)

Tradition

It's a Bennett family tradition to go to a camping area by Pineview Dam on the first Sunday of October and listen to General Conference. Here's a recap of the outing in pictures....

Appreciation

Ya know, now that I think about it, I really cannot remember how I came across this story or got in contact with the creator of this movie, but....

Somehow I ended up being invited by the creator of the movie, I Am Not My Body, to attend the documentary's premiere. It is a story about this special young man, Marius:


The story's beginnings are devastatingly sad, starting with poverty, severe abuse, and a house fire that took both Marius' parents, and nearly cost Marius his life. The middle of the story is bedazzled with miracles that ultimately brought Marius to the United States where he receives proper medical care, and is thriving on love from his adoptive family. There are so many lovely details, and you really should find them out by clicking here. Well, even that is only part of the story, but it will still give you a pretty good idea.

The story made me appreciate where I live, how close I am to good medical care, what a loving family I have and have always had, and the miracle of having a healthy body. Oh my, we take our bodies for granted! This morning I watched Chloe struggle to simply hold her head up so she could blow Grammy and Papa a kiss.... she struggles through so much! BUT she doesn't suffer -- how amazing is that. She doesn't allow herself to suffer through the struggle. What an incredible girl! It was likely one small infection that reached her brain during the very early parts of her development in utero that caused this lifelong condition. It's sad, yes, but it's also a wonder, don't you think, how MANY babies are born without problems like that? Honestly, if there is a person out there who believes that miracles have ceased, then I would like to take that person to any hospital nursery anywhere in the world, and look at all the beautiful babies. So many cells and chromosomes and other microscopic pieces of anatomy had to come together in such perfect form to create the miracle that is the human body. Even Chloe's body -- it is so beautiful and perfect. Our bodies are miraculous!

BUT as amazing as our bodies are, and as much as I appreciate my good health, I have come to understand the message of Marius' movie, that there is so much MORE to all of us than our bodies! Chloe teaches me this lesson every single day when she "speaks" to me without a voice, and when she seems to move mountains and stir hearts even though she can't use her legs or her hands.

I was so grateful to be in attendance. I was grateful that my mom was so willing to watch Chloe, so happy to be on a date with my main squeeze, and so overjoyed to be surrounded by so much inspiration. Marius was in attendance, and was such a delight! He talked about hope, his broad definition of "family," and was seriously cracking me up -- he's a funny little dude!

The infamous nienie was in attendance at the movie, and also appeared in a segment about burn victims. I went to meet her afterward, but she was already surrounded by loving fans . I'm not one who typically gets starstruck, but I have followed nienie's blog since even before her accident and even before I started blogging, and I have come to love her. I think she defines true beauty.

Stephanie Nielson (nienie)

I decided that I didn't need to meet her. It was just enough to be around her and Marius, and to have learned their special lessons. Stephanie shared a special lesson in this post recently. Please read it and soak up the message. Life is to be enjoyed and appreciated!

Watching this movie, and witnessing many other little miracles recently, have caused me to have this overwhelming sense of appreciation every second of every day! My heart is overloaded with joy lately. I wish I could somehow express it properly and/or bottle it up so I could just take it in the next time I need it. More than anything, I just appreciate the true gift that life is.... it is a mystery to unfold, and I sit anxiously awaiting what might come next! However, I also love this moment, exactly as things are now, with my Chloe and my hubby, and all the amazing people in my life. I love that every single day is an opportunity to create the life you want, to be the person you want to be, to experience love and joy. I appreciate the change of seasons, but particularly spring, with dandelions and tulips springing up through the snow, after the storms, reminding us that we too can persevere and find our way, bud and bloom and infuse color into the world.

Wow, am I rambling. Sometimes, though, I just have to allow myself to at least try to express the feelings in my heart. If I don't put those feelings out there, I'm afraid I might explode! So sorry for going on and on, but thank you for allowing me to prevent my own spontaneous combustion.

Last but not least, I appreciate the opportunity I have to be a mother. And specific Chloe's mother. What an honor! I was speaking with someone a few weeks ago, and told her a little about Chloe's condition. She said, "Oh, that would be the worst thing ever." I kept thinking about that phrase, 'the worst thing ever....' What is the worst thing? There is no right or wrong answer, but I imagined a few things: the death of a child, the death of a spouse, war, natural disasters, poverty, being an orphan.... I don't know what 'the worst thing ever' is, but I know one thing for sure is that Chloe and everything that makes up WHO Chloe is, and being her mother -- that is definitely NOT the worst thing ever!!! Oh, I know she didn't mean it that way, and I certainly wasn't offended, but I just wish that people who pity children with special needs and/or their parents could just have a peek into the reality of the situation. Yes, there are tough things about it, but even the tough stuff is sprinkled with love and joy and a vulnerability that adds beauty to life, purpose to days, and appreciation of the simple (yet most important) things.

Chloe appreciating her friendship with Minnie Mouse

Weekend Plans

I'm so excited for the weekend! We have some fun things planned and I'm SO looking forward to it after having an exceptionally hectic week!

Last weekend Chloe and I were both so sick, that it came and went in a blur. My house still has evidence of our sickness strewn about, as well as laundry that didn't get done when my usual routine got the rug pulled out from under it. So tonight I'll be cleaning and doing laundry, and dreaming of the day that my laundry room looks like this....

Are you squealing too? I know! I already have the "LAUNDRY" detergent holder, so I'm pretty sure it's meant to be :)

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but Oby told me today that we would probably be getting a new camera tomorrow. I've been begging for one for heaven only knows how long. You may have noticed that there are fewer and fewer pictures of Chloe on this blog and that's because I just down-right detest my camera! It takes terrible pictures, so I hardly even use it. I love memories and pictures and blogging and scrapbooking, so I need a camera! Everyone cross your fingers that this little beauty is mine tomorrow!!!!!

We're also planning on going to the Ice Castles in Midway tomorrow. I can't believe I only recently found out about this exhibit that is so close to my house. It sounds so amazing and I cannot wait to see it in person! How cool will it be if I get to take pictures of the Ice Castles with my new camera tomorrow? (Insert super cheesy grin and annoying squeal here!)

GASP! As I was creating this post, I went on the Ice Castles' website so I could link everyone to it, only to find out that Wednesday was their last night. I am so bummed because we planned on going for the last three or four weeks and something always came up, and now we've missed our chance. I'm wiping away my tears and will just have to look forward to going next winter (sniff sniff).... Good thing Utah is so beautiful, I'm sure we'll still find somewhere lovely to go! (Trying to find the silver-lining here, people!)

Speaking of finding the silver-lining, we have something very special to do on Sunday. We are going to see Nick Vujicic speak.

The first time I heard of this amazing man, I was in a dark place about Chloe's condition. Hearing his story was a miracle for me and truly life-altering. (Watch the video here.) It changed my perspective on.... everything. Those words just do not do justice to how much watching this video on that day meant for me then and going forward. I wish I could express it better, but hopefully you get the point.

The way I found out he was in town was also miraculous. I stopped at a gas station on my way to work this morning. As I was checking out, the guy behind me asked if I had ever heard of Nick Vujicic. My eyes immediately lit up and I said, "Yes! I love him! Uh (awkward giggle).... why do you ask?" He explained that he saw him speak last week and heard he was speaking again this Sunday. He said for some reason, when he saw me, he thought he should tell me. He was not a weird guy, folks. In fact, he seemed embarassed.

I told him not to be embarassed, I just stood there shaking my head, and writing down the information. I told the stranger about my daughter and about the first time I watched the video, and how it truly changed my life. The man told me that going to see him speak last week changed his life as well, then we went our separate ways, both trying to figure out what just happened.

Life is amazing, people! I'm telling you! It makes me so happy all the time, all the zillions of little things that happen all around me that make life so wonderful and blessed.

Here is a paragraph from his website that explains what he teaches:

Nick shares with his audiences the importance of vision and dreaming big. Using his own experiences in worldwide outreach as examples, he challenges others to examine their perspective and look beyond their circumstances. He shares his view of ceasing to see obstacles as problems, but instead begin to see them as opportunities to grow and reach out to others. He stresses the importance of how attitude can be the most powerful tool we have at our disposal and illustrates how the choices we make can have a profound effect on our lives and the lives of those around us. Nick shows through his own life that the major keys in fulfilling our biggest dreams are persistence and choosing to embrace failure as a learning experience, rather than allowing the guilt and fear of failure to paralyze us.

Last but NOT least, we will be adding our prayers to all the prayers for the victims of the Japanese earthquake and tsunami. My heart has been broken all day because I cannot get the images out of my mind of the water just eating everything up so quickly.

I pray that the love of Christ floods their hearts and homes as quickly as the tsunami flooded their country.

Only with the help of Christ can we fully overcome tragedy. It is necessary to develop our faith in Him as the Redeemer of the world. He taught us: "In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world (John 16:33)." --Carlos H. Amado