1.08.2009

Dum Dums

Last May (let's see, what was that, eight months ago), Chloe's neurologist decided she would benefit from a stander....





Because she is unable to properly bear weight on her legs via crawling and/or walking, her hips and ankles are not taking proper position. The first step to the stander, was to get her DAFO braces, which we were able to get in July....



The hearts really take them up a notch, don't you think?!?! I picked them out and I have to tell ya, I think they are adorable! We use them for exercises a few times a day, but we're not able to get full use out of them until we get the stander. We've been waiting and waiting for our insurance company to approve the request, so we can order and get it sent (which will take another few months). It's been a frustrating process, but I'm an optimist, and knew the stander would eventually come. Then, I got the letter from the insurance company, with the dreadful D word on it....



Before I became a SAHM, I worked for an insurance company for seven years as a claims adjuster (I'll leave names out of it for now). Did you know that one of the first things I received in that job was a big DENIED stamp and a red ink pad? I'm not joking, it's true. By the time I left, we had gone paperless, so there was a denial stamp that we superimposed on the letters instead. Whenever I shipped off my 'DENIED' letters, I knew nasty phone calls would follow in no time. I was called a lot of things as a claims adjuster. Somehow, even if the person on the other end of the phone had never met me, they knew I was blond. The guilty take the truth hard, and that was the name that upset me the very most. Many of the other names that were sent my way, we will leave out of this post (since this is a G-rated, family friendly blog). But let's just say, the name calling was often very similar to....



Dum Dum. And now that I'm on the receiving end of the Denial stamp, I understand the name calling a little bit more. But understanding the system as I do, I recognize that the denial stamp is not always the final answer. So I'm taking control of the situation. That is one of the reasons we went to Dr Alvey on Tuesday. I'm putting him on my side. He ordered x-rays to show medical necessity for the stander. And we went to get the x-rays this afternoon.


Having a child with medical issues, I have become familiar with waiting rooms. I have learned how enjoyable the waiting room experience can be. Instead of picking up a magazine, I usually chat with other moms and make quick friends. I actually get excited to wait so I can meet a new friend. I am hardly ever disappointed, and today seemed to be no exception. The other mom was about my age and she had a little girl about Chloe's age. We took turns sending compliments on the girl's outfits. "Oh, those shoes are so cute!" "Thanks, I got them at Target." "Oh, I love Target, that's where I got her hat." "Do you think they have anymore? I want one for my little girl!"..... and on and on. I was delighted to have met my latest friend. We were chatting so much that the movie playing in the background became annoying and we both complained about the noise.



The Prince Ali song from Aladdin can be rather irritating at certain decibels. Until this point, I had been holding Chloe, and I'm sure my new-found friend had no clue of Chloe's deficits. Her little one was scurrying around the room playing with an array of toys. She suggested that Chloe get down and play as well. To which I answered, "Oh Chloe can't walk." I was ready to explain, but was quickly forced to face her response, which was, "She can't walk yet???"


Oh. Yes she did. I was shocked. I immediately thought of my Nosy Onlooker post and the many comments that were left, about what people think of nosy onlookers, and some commenters were even empathetic to onlookers. I mean, I understand that I shouldn't expect complete strangers to understand what's going on with my child. I started to giggle, I think I was just uncomfortable and not sure what to do. She still had a baffled look on her face and was insisting on an explanation. So, I stopped my skirmish giggles and said, "Oh, she has a seizure disorder and it causes her to be developmentally delayed." I expected her response to be something like....

But the response I got was, "Well, you don't need to be rude."

Oh. Yes she did. I started my uncomfortable giggling again. I was not sure how to respond. I was shocked. I couldn't wait for the waiting room experience to be over. Suddenly I was grateful for the loud Aladdin music to fill the tense air, and I grabbed the closest thing I could find, which happened to be....
What a cute book! And I was so grateful to have something positive to fill my head to replace the negativity. I just couldn't believe that she thought I was the one being rude, and that she was the one with the snappy response. I just couldn't believe it. Yes, thank goodness for the sweet book.


Then, the door opened. I couldn't wait. I knew they would either be calling her or me. But when I saw the man standing at the door, who looked a lot like....
an escaped convict, I kind of hoped he would call her name.


Nope.

"Chloe?"


So I had two choices: either go with the scary guy or stay with the unpleasant woman. I saught refuge with the convict.


Looks can be deceiving. He helped with my diaper bag. He got all the doors. He was chatty. He was cute with Chloe. He was a teddy bear in ex-convict clothing. He restored my faith in humanity, and I needed that after the experience in the waiting room.


He took us into the x-ray room, which Chloe loved, because it was filled with....

zoo animals! Chloe especially loved the stuffed elephant, and that is what Mr. Teddy Bear used to distract her from the unpleasant x-ray experience. It worked. Chloe was a champ!



She did so good, that Mr. Teddy Bear gave Chloe a....

Dum Dum. An appropriate (and ironic) ending to our visit to the doctor's office, don't you think?


It's also ironic that I did this post, (calling people names, judging people by the way they look) the very day after I posted the Peaceful Warrior quotes. I guess I need to take the quotes more to heart, huh? Especially, 'Those who are hardest to love are the ones who need it most.' Yep. Gotta work on that.

54 comments:

Angela said...

I love her hat! Although I am proud that you kept your composure, I definitely would've had to flip out after she said YOU were being rude! HELLO! I would have definitely made her look like a rude, selfish, demeaning DUM DUM that she is! I am telling you like I did before that although sometimes it is nice for them to "look normal" it often makes it harder for people to grasp that something is really wrong BUT that in NO way means I think the nosy onlookers are victims!! Wouldn't it be nice if for once they bowed at your feet and praised you for all the things you do to help your daughter because there would be no way someone as weak as them could handle it?!?!? lol You are woman and I hear you roar!

Mrs. S said...

Ugh! I swear some people just don't "get it" but Im glad you are able to take it all in stride!

I hope you get it all worked out for the stander! Insurance companies can be such a pain sometimes!!

Good luck!

Amanda said...

People constantly shock the hell out of me. Seriously, they do, she was obviously projecting uncomfortable feelings and guilt onto you, it would make her feel better if she thought you were being rude thus absolving her of any blame.

Love Chloes' socks, they are super cute! The picture with the dum dum is also darling.

You know it's funny today while grocery shopping I bought a big bag of...dum dums!

Eudea-Mamia said...

Wow. I think I would have started to cry. Some nerve, that chick. Sounds like she has a few issues with small talk.

Ditto on the hat - SUPER adorable. Per usual.

Dum Dums are a huge hit in this neck of the woods as well. The sucker variety, that is.

haggardmom said...

I never worked at an insurance company, but I worked in claims resolution for an OB/GYN office. So much claims processing is automated now, that if the info on the claim doesn't exactly correlate with what's in their system, DENIED. It's frustrating for the medical providers too. :-/ I once had a customer service rep at an insurance co. insist on 'documentation' to prove that a molar pregnancy was not viable. I was like, hellloooo, can you not look up the diagnosis?? Anyway, keep fighting!

Eudea-Mamia said...

P.S. - LOVE the No She Didn't graphic!!

hebba said...

Keep at it with the appeals. I work as a PT doing a lot of wheelchair/ stander/ hoyer lift letters of medical necessity. I can say that I have gotten more denials from insurance in the past 3 months, since the economy REALLY tanked, than in the past 2 1/2 years combined. A lot of times, they just deny things to buy themselves time until the next quarter. And your daughter is ADORABLE!

Colleen said...

You just can never judge a book by its cover huh...

cover: smiling mom with cute little girl
book contents: ignorance

cover:escaped convict
book contents: dr.suess w/teddy bear!

Sorry you had a rough day! You told the story great though and seems like you got a lot out of it and are staying positive no matter what comments were said!

Shelly said...

Tara, I love you. I wish I knew what else to say to you, but I just love you! I think you're awesome.

Young Momma said...

I'm so sorry that she was such an itch! You can't expect people to know what's going on with your daughter or expect them to understand - but you can expect them to not be itches about it! I give you credit - I would have given her an ear full.

I hope you get a big ol' A in the mail so she can get that stander! :)

Buttercream Cottage said...

I'm sorry you had that happen right after being denied. How can they deny a child? The pics are so cute. I love the hat.

Heatherlyn Colt said...

For different reasons, I know what it feels like to be criticized by people who don't have a clue. It is a GREAT opportunity to actually live the gospel. It still is really difficult to process during the moment. You ARE a really good sport. I'm sorry about the lady in the waiting room. Wow. People really show who they are, don't they? It's almost unbelievable.

Your daughter, btw, is adorable. You do such a great job dressing her so cute and she's really pretty anyway.

Flaming June said...

Hey just know that the DUM DUM was left to wonder "what just happened?" also so-- hopefully, maybe something clicked and your beautiful Chloe will have touched another persons life with some sweetness and understanding. Hang in there your doing an amazing job. Suzituzi

Jamie said...

Oh NO SHE DIDN'T...that's all I got to say! Yeah, I may have snapped...good job keeping your composure :-)

Celine said...

Tara,
you're one amazing woman, that's for sure!
I can't believe that other mom, how rude and inapropriate!
I'll be keeping my fingers crossed so that you get the insurance's agreement.

Cathy said...

You have such a great outlook! Chloe is very blessed to have you as her mother....as you are very blessed to have her! Some people need a filter!

Jodi said...

I'm so sorry you had to experience that again! I love the No She Didn't picture!
Chloe is a doll and just looks so happy! She is lucky to have you as a mom!
People just don't think, it is awful!

Jodi said...

P.S. - I'm becoming a follower! I like you blog and want to keep up with Chloe! Stop by mine again whenever you want!

Spring Fricks said...

What an awesome post! However, I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE RUDE and I am snapping with you. Thank the Lord for that book.

I am throwing hugs your way because sometimes, we just need a hug to tell us we are okay. You are okay and you are doing an awesome job! In fact, you are an inspiration!

Stephanie said...

Chloe is adorable! I love the hearts, too! I'll be praying that you get the insurance company to cover the stander.

People never cease to amaze me on ignorance. The other mom will get her wake up call one day. All things considered, I think you handled yourself very well! :)

Have a Beautiful Day!

Kim said...

I think that is the best post I have ever read. Feels good to vent doesn't it? I love that graphic with the three snaps. That was so funny. I left a special post on my blog dedicated especially to you. I linked to you so I can watch Chloe grow up.

andrea said...

Tara! I THOUGHT I recognized you from somewhere...I've lurked...ahem...checked you out before;)

Thank you so much for stopping by my little hole. I think you are awesome. Seriously. What strength you have, and a fabulous story teller to boot!

Even with all my sarcasm, expletives, and snarkiness...I am as soft as a marshmallow on the inside. I just act like a big headed bitch to throw off the scent;)

Please don't worry about my head...every couple of days I just have to let a bit of air out so that my neck doesn't collapse under the weight.

Smooches:)

Andrea

P.S. I think I like you so much I'm going to have to add you to my side bar...I'm pretty sure it was the snowflakes that swayed me.

andrea said...

Oh yeah, and that "oh no she di'nt" thing-y?...I'm totally stealing it. Fab.

Kelly Deneen said...

What a horrid woman! I am so sorry that she was so rude to you. Ugh! (Your snap-snap-snap image made me giggle though - hehe.) And I am glad the ex-convict-looking guy was fabulous. Ugh on the insurance denial. I hope you win that battle!

MY SUPPORT BLOG said...

Hugs and love for you!

Kim said...

P.S. It's the second post, not the top one.

Sarah said...

Oh my! She was quite rude! I love Chloe's hat, though!

Martha said...

I work as a pediatric nurse care manager for an Employer health plan, please contact me anytime if I can ever help. It sounds like you and Chloe's MDs are a good team.
The woman called you Rude? I am shocked, just shocked. Dum-Dum, No, she is a Clueless M O R O N.

Martha said...

I forgot, Chloe is so beautiful, Girls are just so precious. I love the pictures, thanks.

Nana said...

Give me her name!!!!! I know two guys who look just as pretty as Mr. Teddy Bear or whatever you called him. ( Oby and Papa) They can take care of that rude dumb dumb. That get the hairs on Nana's back standing straight up. GRRRRRR!

Marrdy said...

The hat is so cute!! And I am with you, I really dislike people who say the most stupid things. You're in a hospital waiting room for crying out loud! I learned quickly when my oldest was born that some problems can't be seen and if you don't know whats going on you better keep your mouth SHUT!!

Thanks for stopping by and I hope you survived your SITS day!

Penz said...

Hey love, don't be too hard on yourself. Unfortunatly it is human nature itself that makes us judge others by the way they look..its a mechanism used to ward off danger. As far as your precious little girl and the waiting room...that lady was most def a dum dum. There are alot of people like that, quick to turn on you or act holier than thou, that sort of thing. Just stay positive and focused on your family. You are a great person, don't let those haters get to ya..have a great weekend!

Penz said...

Hey love, don't be too hard on yourself. Unfortunatly it is human nature itself that makes us judge others by the way they look..its a mechanism used to ward off danger. As far as your precious little girl and the waiting room...that lady was most def a dum dum. There are alot of people like that, quick to turn on you or act holier than thou, that sort of thing. Just stay positive and focused on your family. You are a great person, don't let those haters get to ya..have a great weekend!

vsmphotography said...

Wow, you've got heart hon! You're a lot stronger than I... I would've done some awful things to that nasty lady....
I hope you get the 'approved' stamp and that your little girl gets all the help she needs!

Sera said...

Tara, you have the patience of a saint; I know I would have said something to the woman that would have made her feel stupid. Too bad you did not have Grandma Bennett with you, she would take of the woman in her gentle way...lol!

AndreaLeigh said...

wow... how rude and judgemental of her. people like that aren't worth your anger or disappointment.

david mcmahon said...

Great to see the smile on Chloe's face after that ordeal. I feel your frustration - I am a father of three and my children are simply my life.

Mel said...

I'm blown away by you Tara! You handled that situation beautifully, the 2 sweet little girls in the waiting room were taught by your example of tolerance towards an ignorant DUM DUM..(that could have used a good old fashioned bitch slap!) Chloe is blessed to have you! And she is the cutest little gal EVER!:)

Lynda said...

You are such a good writer - I enjoyed the post, but felt your pain.

Momma Chae said...

Wow - I would probably have had the same response. When I'm shocked like that, I never think of anything to say or do. I just freeze and then think of everything I WISH I had said when I'm walking or driving away. :)
Stay strong.

Andrea said...

Those braces are so cute--I love the hearts!

And yeah, I would've cried right there in the waiting room. I just can't understand people like that.

Suzi said...

I love your posts. You encourage me to be a better person, mom, wife, friend. I love your optimism and constant faith in people. Thank you, again, for such a powerful post.

Jennifer said...

Oh Tara--I'm so sorry about that awful waiting room experience. Some people just don't get it!!

Chloe is so r--I love her little socks! And the braces w/ the hearts are really cute--keep up your positive attitude--I'm sure you'll get them covered!!

Whitney said...

I love the hat!

Bless you for being so good! I would have FREAKED on her.

Queenie Jeannie said...

Oh hun! What a day!!!

All I can really say at this point, is that you handle so much, so often with more grace and patience than I will ever possess. You inspire me!!!!

Dennis and Crisanne said...

Tara, I'm so sorry that your enjoyable office wait turned into that! Chloe is a trooper. I hope someday my kids will learn the patience with Dr.s that she has! Get back with me, we should get everyone together sometime soon. Love ya!

♥Reeni said...

You should of asked for an extra dum-dum and then given it to the mean, inconsiderate woman in the waiting room!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Tara,
I love your blog. I notice Cloe's adorable little toes look pretty small in her Dafos, can we talk about the finer points of a good fit? Please call me at 1-800-848-7332.
Sincerely,
Loretta
Cascade Dafo

Mrs. Bennett said...

I admire your ability to not strangle mean people.

Lisa said...

Hello Tara!
I found your site tonight and have enjoyed getting to know your family. Chloe is absolutely adorable, but you already knew that! I am very saddened to hear that it has taken so long to get your stander. I work in Early Intervention in Illinois - our program will help pay for some equipment if the insurance doesn't pay. Does your EI program not help with equipment? We also have some agencies that loan out equipment that people have outgrown (like our United Cerebral Palsy office). Maybe you could get a loaner stander from someone in the meantime. I really wish I was closer so that I could play/work with Chloe. She looks like she is a lot of fun!! Wishing you the best of luck!
Lisa
LisaLampmanDT@aol.com

Anonymous said...

thanks this calm me down, god must of been hearing me. i wanted to hurt the claims adjuster. she ruined my life.

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