I want to help her and take care of her in the ways she can't take of herself. But then, I don't want to baby her too much, and prevent her from being a strong and confident young lady.
The Butterfly and the Cocoon
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. The man sat and watched the cocoon for several hours as the butterfly struggled to force its body through the little hole.
Then it seemed to stop making progress. It appeared as if the butterfly had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further. The man decided to help the butterfly in its struggle. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.
The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
He continued to watch the butterfly. He expected that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to be able to support the body. He knew that in time the body would contract, and the butterfly would be able to fly.
But neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were Nature’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.
We could never fly.
~Author Unknown
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. The man sat and watched the cocoon for several hours as the butterfly struggled to force its body through the little hole.
Then it seemed to stop making progress. It appeared as if the butterfly had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further. The man decided to help the butterfly in its struggle. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.
The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
He continued to watch the butterfly. He expected that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to be able to support the body. He knew that in time the body would contract, and the butterfly would be able to fly.
But neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were Nature’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.
We could never fly.
~Author Unknown
I also want to accept her for who she is, rather than trying to force her to be something she is not. Yet, I also want to push her to be her very best self, whatever that is.
One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. ~Helen Keller
31 comments:
Awww she's so beautiful! Look at that wonderful smile!
I'm sure you will figure things out Tara! You're already doing a wonderful job as Chloe's mother.
You're amazing, never forget that!
Hugs to both of you!
Wow, awesome post Tara.
What a great post! Chloe is beautiful!
What a great story! Definitly take the time to baby her though. I remember Kennedy used to crawl up on my lap almost every morning and would want to just sit there drinking her milk and watching her morning cartoons...I wish I had babied her even more. Now she is so much bigger and cant crawl and even sitting on my lap is difficult.
This is a balance I still struggle with and my oldest are 18!
I think that's a common struggle for balance among all conscientious parents. If we already knew how to be parents, what would be the point in being parents? God put us here to struggle and learn. You and I are butterflies just as much as Chloe is.
Chloe is so cute in that!
Resisting the urge to help them when you know you shouldn't is a huge struggle. Sometimes it feels like holding back a team of wild horses. It doesn't get any easier as they get older.
I have a feeling, though, that you will easily find that perfect balance.
Chloe and Oby are blessed to have you as their Rock.
I forgot to tell you I acknowledge the struggle and support you as you help Chloe's wings "strengthen".
you're a wonderful mom, and I'll know you'll find the right balance for chloe and your family. in time she'll start to tell you what she needs and when she needs/wants more independance.
This is a delicate balancing act for sure. Yesterday when she was here, she started her fussing when Oby passed her to me. I told her she was fine, there was no reason to fuss and Papa and Nana love her.
She stopped and looked at me. That I'm not happy about this but o.k. look she has.
She understands when we speak I know you already know that. I just think we as in me anyway I have to remember how much she understands and have more of a conversation w/ her. I think it will help her to grow.
I think this is a balance that all parents struggle with, but with a special needs child I can see how that balance would be even harder to achieve.
She does not need to define herself by her "disability" she needs to define herself by herself. She's wonderful and so are you, I'm sure you'll do a great job!
Are you teaching her to sign?
love you chloe and tara, thanks for all of your inspiring words
I think you are one awesome mommy and keep reminding yourself that you are doing a great job raising this beautiful little girl. She will grow up feeling loved and that's the most important thing. :)
I love these pics...precious!
One of the things that makes you such an amazing mother! You see this Tara and you want both for Chloe. She is so lucky to have a mother like you. She is going to grow to be an amazing women- I really cant wait to see what she becomes!
This is a tough point of life, isn't it? I've been feeling the exact same way. Emma is about to turn 8 and will be responsible for her own choices. I just want to hold her and keep her safe. Same thing in trying to teach Millie already. I remember as a kid I wanted my parents to let me go, now as a parent I want to hold on forever. I think this is the hardest part of parenthood!
What a fantastic analogy. It's ironic how sometimes in doing so much to be a great parent, we actually handicap our children! Thanks for the reminder.
She makes an awesome butterfly!!! And those are the same worries all moms have...and probably have had for centuries. It's scary finding a balance for every child!
I think balance is one of the trickiest part about being a mommy! You do a great job! She is such a sweet little butterfly! Love it!
I think balance is one of the trickiest part about being a mommy! You do a great job! She is such a sweet little butterfly! Love it!
I totally "get you" with this post. Im right there too with those thoughts.
It's such a fine line between being a responsive parent and a hovering parent. :-) I think we all struggle with it, but I suspect you will find your balance.
That is so true. We don't want them to struggle, but you want them to also be independant. We all have our trials, right now I'm wondering if anyone is ok right now. Two kidos passed away this weekend and another is fighting to live after recieving a new heart. Does it ever end?
Just from that post one can tell you are a great mom!
Tara I really do understand what you are saying. My grandmother had a daughter late in her life, who was born with down syndrome. Instead of my grandmother telling her what she couldn't do, she always told my aunt what she could do.
Fly Chloe Fly!
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
I had this very same feeling when Tucker was about Chloe's age.! I would get so overwhelmed at times wondering if I was doing too much for him or not enough for him. I was on my knees alot during that time and I reached out to some friends who had children with special needs that were older than Tuck. That helped me a lot and I would ask for advice. I also read Kyle Maynards book. His mom expected the same out of him as any of the other children and he is grateful for that today.
There are a few times where Tucker has wanted us to help him at something I knew he could do on his own and I have had to be tough with him. There have been some tears on both sides through those times but deep down I knew I was doing him a favor in the long run. If I feel in my heart that he can do it and learn it, I make sure it happens even if it brings me to tears. I want him to be the best that he can be. The hard part is sometimes knowing when you need to let go of always trying to change what is the reality!!!! Staying close to the Lord to know His will is what is my trial in all of this as well!!
I also had someone tell me when in doubt let them step out on their own and encourage as much as possible, you will always be surprised at what they can do with their own lives. I have thought of that often and try hard to encourage and if he struggles and falls we dust ourselves of and start over. I tell Tucker it is never failure to try but to have never tried at all because of fear.
I could keep going on for ever!! This subject has always been tender with me because I want to be the best strength to him and give him everything possible and often feel short!! So I am always learning when it comes to boundaries! I know you will do fine and you are an amazing mother with incredible strength!! Chloe is so blessed to have the parents she has!! You will know in your heart what is best with each little step you come to!! Good luck! You are doing a great job!!
PS sorry it is so long! :)
wonderful story, and cutie-pie pictures of Chloe too!!
You are such a blessing! I loved this post and the message it sends. Chloe is adorable!
~Hugs!
This is absolutely beautiful Tara. I know too well exactly what you are talking about. Trying to define that fine line of too little or too much. Logan is soon to be four and I still struggle with it. Wanting to help him succeed to be the very best he can, without hindering him. Wish I had some concrete advice, but I do not...
I often have this same struggle! Cole just turned 2 & still on a bottle. I have to remember to be thankful that he 'can' at least use a bottle.
Who's to say if we are babying our special needs children or just following their capabilities?
You are doing great!
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