Last night we started applying The Ferber Method.
And it hasn't even been a week since "the incident."
I'm a bad mom. How do I sleep at night?
Oh wait, I don't.
One of our three medical appointments yesterday was to a Behavioral Specialist. She told me it was time to let Chloe learn to self-soothe at night. I rattled through my list of excuses as to why I didn't think it was quite time: what if she's in pain because of reflux?... we haven't gotten the ph probe/impedance study results yet. what if she's hungry?.... she is underweight you know.
She assured me that if she is having pain, that this is something that she needs to learn to "deal with," and my holding her probably doesn't help the pain anyway. Also she went over the results from the sleep study and showed me that although I was giving Chloe a bottle many times throughout the night, she wasn't actually eating very much, showing that she was only using the bottle to soothe, not to actually fill a hungry tummy.
She insisted that last night was when we should start because the longer we wait the worse it will get. It was hard for both of us, and for Oby. But we survived. And we'll survive tonight and the next, I'm sure.
"I'm sorry for being a bad mom, Chloe. I do love you." xo
24 comments:
So I take it Chloe did not sleep.
Chloe knows you love her. I can't say I would not have your same hesitations.
Hope it gets better soon.
P.S. If it makes you feel any better I know when Tay moves William will be soothing himself to sleep at night!!
Taylor is not getting any sleep either because Mr. Will knows mommy is right there and well you know the story.
P.S.S. I should just call you. I had Papa listen to She's With Me this morning. Let's just say his cheerios were full of tears.
Awww, I'm sorry friend! I can only imagine how difficult that must be for you and Oby! Hang in there! It'll get better :)
It sucks! Jackson cried for 3 hours straight the first night we did it. But it works, and you are being a good mom trying to teach her how to sleep. Chloe will be so much happier! Good luck.
Never think you're a bad mom. You're incredible and teaching your baby to self-sooth SUCKS!!! She'll get it. And you'll all sleep better because of it.
I hope you feel better soon!! *Hugs*
Never think you're a bad mom. You're incredible and teaching your baby to self-sooth SUCKS!!! She'll get it. And you'll all sleep better because of it.
I hope you feel better soon!! *Hugs*
Being a mom is soooo hard!!! You are a great mom, and Chloe knows how much you love her. Sending hugs your way!!
being a good mom is really hard. hang in there, all three of you!
Hey Tara - I'm not going to pretend to understand exactly what you are going through as we have not gone through the same things you have gone through. Having said all that, after 4 kids I will say that the hardest thing, but also the best thing, is to let go when it's the right time. It sounds like it's the right time. But that doesn't make it any easier. And you are NOT a bad mom. To the contrary, this is showing you're a GOOD mom - it's just so hard to see that now. Hang in there - we'll keep you in our prayers!
It is so hard to listen to your child cry :(. I hope it gets better for you guys really soon. Good thoughts and prayers are being sent your way!
Ugh, that's gotta be the hardest thing to do! Sit an listen to your child cry but not being able to go comfort her. I hope the method works for you guys, all three of you need some sleep!
Good luck!
Tara, we were in the same situation with Nathan. My husband and I would take turns giving him a bottle multiple times at night and he would just suck a little bit to self soothe. I had the same fears as you - is he in pain? He is brain injured - can he do it? Am I damaging him for life? But one day I said, ENOUGH. I decided to just let him cry it out. The first night was hell - he cried for 2 hours. But we didn't give in. The 2nd nigth, 1 hour. The 3rd, 4th, and 5th, 20 min's. Then, from the 6th on and for about 2 weeks, 5 min's. Thereafter, I would just put him down and he would fall asleep on his own - no crying. It has been a fundamental thing for all of us - Nathan sleeps much better, he gets to rest so he functions better in therapy, and this is something that he can do on his own! I know how hard it is, but from my own experience - stick to it! She CAN do it! And it will be very good for her!
Best,
Marcela
www.prayfornathan.org
You are NOT a bad Mom! There are moments like this all through parenting. It feels strange to let go even a little but in so doing you are helping her to become all that she can be.
hey tara; you already know that i know you're an extraordinarily good mom so i won't say it again, but we'll be in sl again tomorrow, if you two wanna meet up for lunch, let me know! we'll meet you anywhere you want. hope tonight goes well for you all!
You are NOT a bad Mom. You are really a very wonderful mother. It's really hard with the first child, to let them cry. And with any child. But you know, my 4th child was the one who I let cry it out the most often and she is actually my happiest most well-adjusted child. It's OK sometimes to let a child work it out on their own. Kids are smart. They learn to work it out. And then everyone ends up getting more sleep. :)
Keep up the GREAT work GOOD mom! Chloe will adjust, she will be fine and sort it all out so that she can get through the night without mom or dad. Honestly, it's harder on mom and dad than on baby.
Letting your babies cry at night for a long time is always hard. Like the therapist said the long you wait the harder it will become...later. Keep up the good work. You are a wonderful mom. It has been fun seeing all the wonderful things you have been doing with Chloe.
You know your child better than anyone else. What works for you is the right thing to do.
Stopping by from SITS. Read about your daughter here. Whew. You sure have strength. And your baby girl is beautiful (just like you).
The Ferber Method can definitely be hard on moms. We did it, but I hated it so much that I used to leave the house to run errands after putting my son down for bed. My husband would stay home because he dealt with the crying a little better than I did. But hey...it works.
Good luck Tara! I don't know why sleep is so hard to achieve sometimes but I hope things work out and Chloe can get lots of good sleep soon. You're a great mom!
Sleep is a skill. It needs to be learned at some point. You're a rock star. We're fighting a similar fight only trying to get the baby to sleep without emotionally scarring the toddler. And also hoping to avoid damaging the toddler's excellent self-soothing skills. Bah.
Good luck.
Hey Tara!
I know this is a hard thing to through. We (when I say we I mean I) just took the binky (I am never sure if it's y or ie)from Izzy (just incase you might think I meant Tonio or Jamie). Anyway, it was rough the first couple of nights, but it gets better and easier. I know when your in it, it seems like it will never get better and you will never sleep again, but trust me it gets better. You may have to tweak the method to fit your family just be flexible and remember you as a mother know what's best for the both of you.
Being a parent isn't an easy thing but you have been through a lot worse (remember NH)and just remember it will get better and in the long run you will be happy you did this!
I should just call you. I had Papa listen to She's With Me this morning. Let's just say his cheerios were full of tears. Work From Home
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