3.30.2010

Happy to be Me!

I loved Chloe's shirt today....


I always try to get her to help me pick out her outfit for the day. I stand with her in front of her closet and ask her to point at what she wants to wear. Usually during this ritual she just tries to eat my hair.... But today she reached right for this shirt that says, "Happy to be ME!"

I think Chloe really IS happy to be her, and it shows, don't you think? Look in her eyes, she's not longing for more, comparing herself to others. Nope, she's content and filled with JOY!....


I needed this reminder today. Yesterday at therapy, Chloe's physical abilities were more limited than usual. She wasn't using her hands at all. She couldn't hold her head up. Her tone was tight. I left feeling SO discouraged.

I go through a constant roller coaster between accepting Chloe just as she is and not trying to change things, thinking it was God's will that she was born with developmental delays and I don't need to "fix" that. Then I go to the opposite end of the spectrum, thinking that with God ALL things are possible, that miracles have NOT ceased, that it is okay to HOPE all things, and so I work extra hard. I want her head control to be better, for her to use her hands more, for her to TALK, for her to get up and walk and run and play and dance. And it sends me into a downward spiral of disappointment. Then the cycle starts back over where I accept things as they are and don't want to change them. Are you seeing the pattern here?

Well, because Chloe reached out and grabbed this shirt today was an answer to my prayers, I truly believe that. It gave me the realization that she is HAPPY being her. And so we play and do stretches and exercises, but she is happy being HER, and SHE is not what she can do or what she cannot do... She is a beautiful person, a delightful child, who happens to be in a body that doesn't work so well. But does it really matter? Not to her.

Thanks, Chloe. You are wise beyond your mother's years. I love ya and I am happy to be your mom!

29 comments:

Devon said...

Thanks for this today, Tara. Your insights are always so piercing to me.

I LOVE Chloe's shirt!

Shelly said...

That made me happy. She is a happy, beautiful girl. You're a lucky momma!

Beth said...

you are my cyber soul sister. love you guys! so glad we're in this 'club' together.

Heatherlyn said...

That's a great post! She definitely looks happy! (That probably also has to do with parents who love her so much and who take such good care of her!)

The Pachuilo Family said...

Tara,
She always has the biggest smile, I just love it! Your an amazing Mom and Chloe is so lucky to have you!

Love you all and Miss you!

T said...

You can see her joy through her big bright smile!!

jennohara said...

It always makes me so happy just looking at her in the pictures always so happy! She's so beautiful, and you're so lucky you have her sunshine every day to brighten your day.

jocalyn said...

I needed to read this today too! Thanks for the reminder. Some days are harder than others, that's for sure. But as long as Kendall's happy, I'm happy.

You are an amazing woman and mommy!

Taylor said...

Oh Tara, that was a sweet post. Chloe is happy!!!!

I finally got caught up on your blog today. Chloe's dress is adorable.

I love seeing her having so much fun with her cousins!

Taylor said...

Nuts, that was not Taylor! I don't know what is going on here. Love, Nana.

Ambitions of a Trophy Wife said...

You certainly do strike chords throughout cyber space! Thanks for being a voice for all of us!

mrssuelee said...

What a beautiful post! Thank you for having that sweet insight and sharing it with us. Chloe is as beautiful as always!

mrssuelee said...

What a beautiful post! Thank you for having that sweet insight and sharing it with us. Chloe is as beautiful as always!

Devon said...

Hey girl: sure, if you'd like to! I know Junior's mom did a review for it too. It's a really neat program!

I was looking again at the pics, and I noticed how like Chloe's hands Dakin's are. You said she doesn't use her right arm as much, right? Dakin's the same way.

Angela said...

Tara,

Remember its okay for Chloe to have some rough days and its okay to wish for miracles too. Believe me I think Chloe wishes for them too. I can relate to her struggles.

Chloe has strength and dreams I can see it in her eyes and smile, you just wait and see what the future will bring. She loves you and her daddy very much and that's all she really needs to get through the day.

You are amazing:)

Diane said...

chloe's the awesome-est!

and i totally have shirt envy!!!

Mo said...

Funny you wrote about his today...just this morning I paused from whatever it was I was doing to watch Oia play and move. She was clearly happily living in the moment. I thought right then what a pleasure that is that Oia has no clue she is different, challenged, or whatever you call it. That's a beautiful thing when you allow yourself to remember that...

Just drowned out those 'bad days' with your daughter's joy.

You are an AMAZING mom.

Kristina said...

Oh, Tara, I'm right there with you. It's a crazy cycle and I'm just glad that it's us as parents going through it instead of our children.

I have a hard time with therapy sessions. They really can change my daily moods. I'm working on that, but it's hard. I think once school starts and I'm not there for most of them it should even me out a lot. It's hard to see all that your child "can't" do while working on it at therapy and then you're at home thinking your child ROCKS! It is a wild cycle and I'll be happy to give it up!

Becky said...

Such a great reminder. I LOVE that our special kids teach us SO MUCH! Love you my friend. :)

CristyLynn said...

Great post! I am familiar with your roller coaster. :) Thanks for expressing it s well--it helps knowing that someone else feels the same way.
And she looks so contentedly happy! Beautiful!!!!!

Territory Mom said...

So perfect

VMI said...

May have to steal that t-shirt idea. Thanks for sharing!

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

As so many have said, the roller coaster of days will continue. We just learn to roll with them.

I LOVE her shirt. It is perfect! :)

Beverly said...

what a great shirt and a beautiful photo of your sweet girl. You are so blessed and lucky!

Sharon said...

Wonderful reminder. She looks very happy.

Alison said...

What a great photo - I love the toothless grin. She definitely looks happy being her.

Amanda said...

You are such an amazing mom, Tara, really you are!

We can learn such profound things from our children if we just take the time to listen to them.

Grand Pooba said...

Oh my gosh, Chloe is a daily reminder of God's blessings!

Sherry C said...

She is a darling, what a perfect shirt. I have those same feeling about my beautiful daughter