I loved Chloe's shirt today....
I always try to get her to help me pick out her outfit for the day. I stand with her in front of her closet and ask her to point at what she wants to wear. Usually during this ritual she just tries to eat my hair.... But today she reached right for this shirt that says, "Happy to be ME!"
I think Chloe really IS happy to be her, and it shows, don't you think? Look in her eyes, she's not longing for more, comparing herself to others. Nope, she's content and filled with JOY!....
I needed this reminder today. Yesterday at therapy, Chloe's physical abilities were more limited than usual. She wasn't using her hands at all. She couldn't hold her head up. Her tone was tight. I left feeling SO discouraged.
I go through a constant roller coaster between accepting Chloe just as she is and not trying to change things, thinking it was God's will that she was born with developmental delays and I don't need to "fix" that. Then I go to the opposite end of the spectrum, thinking that with God ALL things are possible, that miracles have NOT ceased, that it is okay to HOPE all things, and so I work extra hard. I want her head control to be better, for her to use her hands more, for her to TALK, for her to get up and walk and run and play and dance. And it sends me into a downward spiral of disappointment. Then the cycle starts back over where I accept things as they are and don't want to change them. Are you seeing the pattern here?
Well, because Chloe reached out and grabbed this shirt today was an answer to my prayers, I truly believe that. It gave me the realization that she is HAPPY being her. And so we play and do stretches and exercises, but she is happy being HER, and SHE is not what she can do or what she cannot do... She is a beautiful person, a delightful child, who happens to be in a body that doesn't work so well. But does it really matter? Not to her.
Thanks, Chloe. You are wise beyond your mother's years. I love ya and I am happy to be your mom!